Entrusted
by nebula2
Summary: Morgan wakes up to find a message on his phone from someone he didn't expect to hear from.
1. The Call

**AN: Set sometime after Spencer goes to the cabin to check on Gideon. Just saw the last couple of episodes with Gideon and got this idea. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine, I'm just borrowing them for entertainment sake.**

* * *

The piercing sound of his alarm cut through Derek Morgan's sleep. Slowly, he let go of the dream world he had been in, and opened his eyes. Clooney lay across his legs, restricting his movement. The federal agent reached out and turned off the alarm and then lay in the bed looking toward the room's lone window. The pale morning light of the rising sun peaked in through the edges of the blind.

Derek knew he had to get up and start getting ready for work but he just couldn't make his body throw back the sheet and get out of bed. Like most mornings, he laid in the safety of his own bed, taking a few moments to reflect on the day that was about to begin. Some days this was the only peaceful moments he was allowed.

Reaching out, he grabbed his cell phone from the night stand. He deftly switched the phone from vibrate to normal mode, noting as he did so that he had a voice mail.

~_Don't tell me I missed a call from JJ and the team is already working on a case,_~ Derek thought, as he checked the call list. A number he didn't recognize came up on the screen. Confused, he called his voice mail.

"You have one unheard message," the female voice told him as the call connected. It was soon replaced with a familiar voice. A voice Derek had not been expecting to hear for a while.

"Derek, I'm sure this call comes as a surprise to you. I wanted to leave a message as I didn't want any interruptions or questions about what I am about to tell you. I'm assuming by now that Spencer has found the letter I left for him at the cabin. I know that my sudden departure has probably come as a shock to all of you, but it was something I needed to do. Just as there is something that I need to ask of you and as I've come to know you fairly well over the years we've worked together, I know you'll do what I'm about to ask."

Agent Morgan sat up in bed, the movement disturbing Clooney, who got to his feet and hopped of the bed. The dog went over to a corner, laid down, resting his head on his paws, as he glanced up at his master. Morgan was oblivious to the dog, as his mind got over the shock of hearing Gideon's voice.

~_He just up and leaves, without so much as a word and now he expects me to do something for him. The nerve,_~ Morgan thought, the pain and hurt he felt at the older agent's recent sudden departure flaring up once again.

"I have no doubt that you, along with the rest of the team, have noticed Spencer's unusual behavior since that case down in Georgia. Probably have your suspicions as to the cause and you'd be right. We're aware of it to and though we've chosen to keep it quiet, we've confronted Spencer about it. I had convinced him to get help and Spencer has been making progress. I fear that my departure is going to cause a setback in that progress. Fear that he may give up altogether. I need you to make sure that, that doesn't happen. Confront him Morgan. Take my place. Don't let him try to fight this battle alone because we both know he can't win that way. I care about what happens to Spencer, as much as if he was my own son. I know that betraying the trust he had in me by telling you this will damage his memory of me, but I'd rather have him mad at me than to lose him to this. I'm entrusting him to you and I know things are going to be okay even with me gone."

"End of message."

Morgan absent mindlessly saved the message as his mind tried to process what he had just heard.

~_I knew something was going on with him. Suspected what it was drugs but was afraid to find out the truth,_~ Morgan thought, easily able to read in between the lines of Gideon's message. ~_He must have been referring to Hotch when he said we've. Gideon didn't want to say his name in case this message was heard by anyone other than me. If Hotch knew for sure that Reid has a drug problem and didn't report it, not only would Reid's career be in jeopardy, but Hotch's too_.~

~_Confront him. I'm not sure I know how to do that and not drive Reid further away, but I won't let you down, Gideon. I won't let Reid down_,~ Morgan told himself, as he put the cell phone back down on the night stand and finally climbed from the bed.

* * *

Morgan kept an eye on Reid the entire time they were at the office. Reid hadn't been the same since Gideon's departure. ~_Hell, he hasn't been the same since Georgia, but Gideon leaving has affected him in another way_.~

Morgan saw no opportunity to talk to Reid in private while at work. Even if he had, he wasn't sure this was the place to do it. The rest of the team began to leave, the day in the office giving them all a chance to catch up with paperwork.

JJ was the first, giving them all a cheerful good-bye as they left. Morgan would have been right behind her, if it wasn't that he was hoping to leave with Reid. The young genius seemed intent on whatever it was he was working on, and Morgan decided not to disturb him. He opened another file and tried working on it. He hadn't gotten anywhere when Prentiss got up to leave. He said good-bye to her, noticing that Reid didn't even look up at her departure.

Penelope came out of her office not long after. Morgan had a short conversation with the tech, who had plans to get a drink with JJ later. As she was leaving, she stopped beside Reid, waiting till she got the young geniuses attention.

"Don't work to hard, sweetie," Penelope told him, kissing two of her fingers and then pressing them against Reid's forehead.

"Goodnight, Garcia," Reid said, the faintest trace of a smile on his face.

Hotch was the next to go, informing Morgan and Reid that his office was open if they had anymore paperwork to turn in as he left. Ten minutes after Hotch left, Morgan spoke up.

"Hey Reid, you about ready to call it a day, Kid?"

"What?" Reid asked, looking up a look of confusion on his face.

"The others have already left. How about we leave and get something to eat?"

"I'm not really hungry," Reid replied. "Why don't you go. I might be awhile. I want to finish this."

Reid returned to the paperwork in front of him. Morgan knew his plan on leaving with Reid wasn't going to work. ~_Time for plan B_,~ he thought, gathering the papers on his desk and putting them in the file. He got to his feet, resting his hand briefly on Reid's shoulder as he left the now deserted office.

Morgan went out to his car. Getting in, he moved it to a position where he could see the door and waited for Reid to leave. He didn't have long to wait, as ten minutes later Reid walked out of the building. Slipping out of his vehicle, Morgan followed. He wasn't sure what he was going to do from this point on, but he figured he would play it by ear.

He followed Reid to the subway. The younger agent bypassed the train that would take him to the station closest to his apartment. Morgan followed him onto one that was headed into the city. The older agent followed as Reid stopped by a library, in which he seemed to be walking aimlessly through the aisle of books. When he left, Reid headed to a café and ordered something to eat. Morgan managed to find a place from which he could watch Reid but be partially hidden from Reid's view. He ordered a burger and ate quickly, starving but knowing that when Reid decided to leave, he would have to follow.

Morgan was just finishing the last bite of the burger when Reid paid his waitress and got up to leave. Tossing down enough money to cover his meal and a decent tip, Morgan got to his feet, and followed his friend. He was starting to wonder if Reid had any destination in mind, when he finally walked into a recreation center. Morgan approached the doors, ready to follow him in, and paused when he saw Reid just standing in the lobby, staring at a board. Before he was spotted, Morgan backed away, trying to find a spot where Reid wouldn't see him but that he could see Reid.

He found a place near an ornamental tree. Darkness had fallen on the city and he could easily see the young agent in the building. Others entered the building and still Reid just stood there. Morgan was debating on approaching him when Reid finally walked toward the front door. Morgan stepped back into the shadows hoping he wouldn't be spotted. He let Reid get a short distance on him and then followed.

He had thought that Reid would head home, but though he entered the subway again, that wasn't his destination. Morgan followed Reid to the WWII memorial. Reid walked to the center of the memorial, sitting on the ground near the fountain in the center. Morgan tried to creep as close as he could without giving himself away.

"I know you've been following me, Morgan," Reid called out, his voice making Morgan jump.

Knowing he was discovered, Morgan walked toward his friend.

"I noticed you at the library," Reid told him, as Morgan sat down next to him. Reid's eyes were on the fountain before them.

"And here I thought I was doing a decent job at tailing you," Morgan said.

"Question is, why were you following me?"

"We need to talk."

"We work in the same office, Morgan."

"This isn't something I wanted to discuss at the office," Morgan told him. He took a deep breath. There was no easy way to broach this subject. "Reid have you been using?"

"Yes."

The single word was just a whisper but Morgan heard so many things in it. Pain. Fear. Relief.

"You could have come to me. I would have helped you."

"I tried. You don't know how many times I tried but I couldn't ever seem to get the nerve up to admit it to you or to anyone. I didn't even want to admit to myself that I had a problem for the longest time. I knew if I voiced it, it would make it more real. And then Gideon . . ." he trailed off. He was silent for a moment. "But Gideon isn't here anymore. I don't think I'm strong enough to do this on my own."

"You don't have to do this on your own," Morgan told him, reaching out and resting a hand on his friend's shoulder.

Reid's reaction to the touch took Morgan completely by surprise. The younger man dropped his head and began to cry. As the sobs shook his body, Morgan did the only thing he could think to do, he moved his hand from the shoulder nearest him and reached around Reid's back to rest his hand on the other shoulder. Gently, he pulled his friend toward him, not saying a word. Reid let his head rest on Morgan's shoulder.

There would be time to talk later. Right now, just knowing the Morgan was going to be there for Reid was enough.


	2. The Admission

Morgan wasn't sure how long they sat there, as he listened to the sound of Reid's sobs and the water falling in the water fountain in front of them. It was an eerie combination of sounds. One that Morgan did not dare to interrupt with words. At this point, he wasn't sure what words of comfort, if any, he could offer his friend.

Morgan just sat there, his arm around the thin frame of Spencer Reid, looking at the rippling water visible in the pale light of the moonlight.

~_It's appropriate that we're sitting here by water because I'm venturing into uncharted waters here. I've got no clue what to say or do to help him through this. At the same time, I've got to try. I've got to try and I cannot fail. Not because of Gideon but because if I fail, I fail Reid. That is one failure that I simply can't live with._~

Movement beside him brought him out of his thoughts. Reid was pulling away from him, and Morgan let his hand fall from the younger man's shoulder. In the limited light, he saw the silhouetted movements, as Reid reach up to wipe tears away.

"You feeling better?" Morgan asked softly, wishing he could see his friend's face.

Reid nodded. "Yeah. Thanks," he replied, his voice barely audible to Morgan.

Morgan got to his feet. "Come on. Let's get you home," he said, reaching down to help his friend to his feet.

Side by side, the two friends walked away from the fountain. Reid tucked a strand of hair behind his ear as they walked, and then wrapped his arms tightly around himself. He suddenly felt very vulnerable walking alone in the almost empty streets of Washington D.C. and was thankful for Morgan's presence beside him.

They walked in silence to the nearest subway station. Walking into the station, Reid started for the train that would take him to the station closest to his apartment. Morgan reached out, and grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Hold up. You're coming back to Quantico with me, so I can get my car and then I'll drive you home."

"You don't have to. I'll be fine and it's out of your way."

"Maybe I don't have to but I'm going to. I need to make sure you get home okay," Morgan told him, making eye contact with him for the first time.

Reid's eyes were red and swollen. Morgan could see a whole swirl of emotions in their depths. Anyone could tell that he had been crying. Reid looked lost. Looked like an easy target for anyone who might want to make a few extra bucks. Morgan wasn't about to let his friend venture off on his own right then.

Reid finally nodded, and let Morgan lead him to another train. Eventually the two were back at Quantico and not long after reaching it, were in Morgan's car, headed for Reid's apartment. Completely alone now, Morgan got up the courage to ask the question he had been wanting to all night.

"What were you up to tonight, Reid?"

Silence followed the question. Morgan glanced quickly at Reid in the passenger seat, trying to determine if his question had been heard. In the brief moment before returning his eyes to the road, Morgan had caught a glimpse of Reid's face as he stared out the passenger side window. There had been a far away look on his friend's face.

"Reid?" Morgan said, speaking up again, not sure if the other man had heard the previous question.

"I was suppose to go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting."

"Supposed to?"

"I couldn't go in," Reid told him.

~_The recreation center_,~ Morgan thought, as the realization hit him. ~_That was where the meeting was going to be held. Reid had only gone as far as the lobby though and then had left before going to the meeting. Why? Was it because he knew I was outside?_~

"Was it because I followed you?" Morgan asked, trying to prompt his friend in to explaining what he was feeling. What he was thinking.

In the passenger seat, Reid shook his head. Guilt at the thought of Morgan blaming himself for his own shortcomings rising up within him.

"No," Reid said quickly. "It had nothing to do with you. I couldn't go through with it, because I had never been to one alone," he told his friend, and then immediately realized that the answer would have little meaning to Morgan. Sure he had his suspicions of what he had been up to, but Morgan didn't know what had been going on the last couple of months.

"Not long after we came back from New Orleans, Gideon paid me a visit at home. Had actually been waiting for me when I got home one evening," Reid told him. "He had searched my apartment. Had found the dilaudid I had managed to get a hold of. It was sitting there on the table. Just sitting there. Gideon standing there beside it. He told me that if I really wanted to stay on the job then I had to make a choice. I didn't have to ask him what the choice was. I knew what he meant."

"I don't know how long I stood there, Morgan. It felt like hours but maybe it was only a few minutes. I just remember standing there, looking back and forth between the vials of dilaudid on the table and Gideon just standing there. No emotions showed on his face. It was like he was telling me that this was a decision I had to make on my own. One that he wasn't going to help me make and yet he was by just being there in the apartment. He was making me face the choice that had been in front of me since Georgia but that I hadn't wanted to face."

Reid paused for a moment, trying to get his emotions in check. He didn't want to start crying again, but he knew he was close. He had to get this out though and he knew he had to do it then or he might not get the courage to start up again.

He felt the vehicle slowing down and looked out the windshield. Morgan was pulling the vehicle off onto the shoulder of the road. The car came to a stop, and Reid looked over at his friend in the driver's seat. The headlights of a passing car illuminated his face briefly. What Reid saw there gave him the courage to continue with the story.

"Like, I said, I don't know how long I stood there but at some point I knew what I had to do. Knew what choice I had to make. That I wanted to make. Had wanted to make the whole time but felt like I was too weak. I reached into my bag and took out the two vials of dilaudid that were there. I remember placing them on the table with the others and suddenly felt a surge of rage. I was angry. Angry at a lot of things. Some which made no sense and some which were dead on."

"I felt anger at Tobias for introducing me to the drug in the first place. Anger at JJ for not having my back. Anger at the team for seemingly not seeing that anything was wrong. For not helping me. Anger at myself for being weak. For blaming other people for my own problems. Anger at wanting the escape that the drug offered."

"I remember reaching out, and with one swipe, sweeping the vials off onto the floor. Most broke when they hit the floor, the sound of shattering glass breaking the silence in the apartment. I broke down then. Fell to my knees crying. I remember Gideon embracing me. Telling me that things were going to be okay now. The next night he took me to my first Narcotics Anonymous meeting and to every one of them after that. After the first one, he didn't go in with me but he took me there. Was waiting for me when I came back out."

"Morgan, I couldn't go in that room tonight because I knew that Gideon would not be there when I walked back out and I was afraid that would be enough to send me back over the edge. I've thought of it a lot since I went to his cabin that night."

"But you haven't gone back to the drug, right?" Morgan asked. His friend's silence causing fear to rise up within him. He reached out and grabbed a hold of the younger man, turning him to face him in the cramped confines of the car. "Reid, tell me you haven't been taken the drug again."

"Once. That night. After leaving the cabin. I felt so lost and so betrayed. I just needed the escape."

Morgan let go of him, and slammed a hand down on the dash. The sound made Reid jump.

"You swear to me, it was only one time," Morgan said.

"Just that one time. Though I've thought about it since then. Thought about it most of today actually," Reid replied, reaching for his messenger bag, which was sitting between him and the door. Slowly, he handed it to Morgan.

Morgan snatched the bag from him, knowing what Reid was telling him with the gesture. He flipped the interior lights on and opened the bag. Searching, he found the half-filled vial of clear liquid and needle.

"This the only one?" Morgan asked.

"Yes," Reid replied in a wavering voice.

Morgan put the two items into the compartment on his door and then handed Reid back the bag, in a calmer manner than he had taken it from him. Taking the bag back, Reid slumped in his seat, letting his head come to rest against the passenger side window. Once again he let the tears that were building up inside him fall.

"I'm too weak to fight this."

Morgan took a deep breath to calm himself. Yes he was angry at Reid right now. Angry and hurt but he couldn't let those feelings dictate his actions. His friend needed his support right now, not his condemnation.

"You're not too weak, Reid," Morgan said, reaching out to rest his hand on his friend's arm. "This is just a set back. You're human. It happens. The fact that you told me, that shows strength. Shows me that this isn't really the path you want to take."

Morgan paused and waited. Reid didn't react at all to his words. Finally Morgan spoke again. "When is your next meeting?"

"Next week. We meet once a week," Reid replied.

"You're going and I'm going to take you. No arguments. If I have to, I'll go to the actual meeting with you or I'll just be there waiting for you when you get out if you prefer. Whatever it takes. We're going to beat this, Kid."

Reid's only reaction was a slight nod of his head. Morgan faced forward again, and putting the car into gear, pulled back out into the road.

He suddenly felt anger toward Gideon once again. ~_You didn't just abandon this team, when you walked away, you abandoned Reid at a point when he needed you the most. How could you do that? Did we really mean that little to you? Did Reid mean that little to you?_~


	3. The Visit

~_Maybe I should call before I show up at this time of the night_,~ Morgan thought as he looked at the time on he display on his card radio. 11:23 pm. Not the time of night his supervisor would expect to see him show up at his front door. Especially as he had never showed up unexpectedly at his house before this.

~_No. Gideon's call indicated that Hotch was trying to remain oblivious as possible to all of this. A phone call leaves a trail. Leaves evidence. A visit in the middle of the night proves nothing_,~ Morgan thought, his mind made up.

"Speaking of Gideon's call . . . " Morgan said softly, flipping open his cell phone. In short order he had erased the message from the phone. He had listened to it several times since he had received it that morning and though he didn't have it memorized word for word, the important parts he knew by heart. It had served its purpose and at this point, hearing Gideon's voice one more time was the last thing that Morgan wanted to hear.

Ten minutes later, Morgan was turning into Hotch's driveway. He parked his car behind his boss's and got out. Locking the car, he shut the door, the sound echoing through the quiet neighborhood. He knew he didn't have to worry about waking Hailey or Jack, Hotch having confided in him that Haley had left with Jack. Morgan walked up the front walk and reaching the door rang the doorbell.

When the door opened shortly later, Morgan jumped. He had not expected that fast of a response, and yet there his boss was, standing in front of him. It was the first time he had seen his supervisor in anything other than a suit but he was standing behind the screen door in a white t-shirt and sweat pants. His hair was slightly mussed and it looked as if he had just woken up.

"Morgan, what are you doing here?"

"We need to talk."

"This couldn't have waited until tomorrow?"

"No," Morgan told him.

Aaron Hotchner sighed and stepped aside to let Morgan into the house. Morgan entered, a single lamp the only light in the room. His eyes immediately fell on the couch. A blanket and pillow lay there, which explained to Morgan the quick response to his knock.

"The bedroom seems too empty," Hotch said, seeing Morgan's gaze on the couch. Hotch motioned to the easy chair. "Have a seat," Hotch said. Morgan sat down in an easy chair as Hotch sat down on the middle cushion of the couch. "Care to explain to me what is so important that it couldn't wait until you saw me at work."

"This is one conversation we can't have at work," Morgan replied. "I got a message from Gideon this morning asking me to take over for him with a certain matter that you're not officially suppose to be aware of."

Morgan saw understanding cross Hotch's face as he nodded slightly.

"I was trying to decide what to do about that. Seems as though Gideon made the decision for me, assuming you're going to take care of the matter."

"You really think I could say no," Morgan asked incredulously.

"No," Hotch said simply with a slight shake of his head.

"Dammit, I should have done something about it before this. I'm suppose to be his friend. I knew something wasn't right. We all did. I even attempted to get him to talk to me a few times though I didn't push. If I had thought it was as bad as it was, if I had really thought that . . ." Morgan shook his head. "What kind of friend have I been."

"Don't blame yourself, Morgan. This is no one's fault."

"Bullshit! This is someone's fault. This is Hankle's fault and I won't pretend otherwise!" Morgan told him, his voice rising in anger.

"And Hankle is dead. You can't take any of this out on him so just let it go, Morgan. Focus on the solution, not the cause."

Morgan looked over at the calm, expressionless face of his supervisor. ~_How can he be so calm?_~ Morgan asked.

"I need to be angry with someone Hotch. Being angry with Reid will only make the situation worse. Anger with myself will only inhibit my ability to help him. As you pointed out, Hankle is dead. That leaves Gideon, wherever the hell he is. How could he leave him at a time like this?"

"I can't answer that, Morgan and believe me I've tried. I don't know why Gideon left so abruptly and I'm just as hurt as the rest of you are . . ."

"No one is more hurt by his leaving than Reid is."

"You're probably right. The fact is though, he left. Whatever his reasons, we need to accept that and move on. We need to help one another through this. Not let it destroy us or the team. As much as I want to help Reid, doing so could be more detrimental than helpful. If I had evidence . . ."

"I'll get Reid through this, don't worry about him," Morgan said, knowing exactly where Hotch was going. "I may need someone to vent to through this though."

"Anytime," Hotch told him.

"Does he know you know?" Morgan asked.

Hotch shook his head. "We chose not to tell him. As far as he knows, only Gideon knew for sure, until now."

"I think he should know," Morgan stated, not sure he could keep that kind of deception up. He expected Reid to be truthful with him about the whole situation and he felt it only fair that in turn he be completely truthful with the kid.

Hotch nodded. "It's your call. Do what you think is best. Just make sure he knows that I have no intention of reporting anything. This is an internal team matter. Officially, I know nothing."

Morgan sighed as he leaned back in the chair. He placed his hands on the arm and let out a sigh. "What about you?" he asked. "Have you heard anything else from Hailey."

"She's with her parents. Says she needs time to think," Hotch said, shaking his head as he thought about the last conversation he had with her. "I've pleaded my case. The next move is hers. At this point it's a waiting game."

"Look, man, I'm not going to say I know what you're going through because I don't have a clue, but if you need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Morgan." Hotch told him.

The two men were silent for a few minutes. Finally, Morgan stood up. "I guess I'll be going. Let you get back to sleep. I just had to let you know."

"Thank-you. Knowing you're there for him is a big worry off my mind," Hotch replied, getting to his feet and walking Morgan to the door.

"I'll see you at the office," Morgan said, as he opened the door.

He left his boss' house, walking back down the walkway to his car. He didn't really have any more answers than when he had arrived but he felt better. Felt some relief, having been able to vent his own feelings to someone else. Reaching his car, he opened the car door. The needle and vial still lay where he had put them after taking them from Reid's bag.

He had one more thing to do before he could even attempt to get any sleep.

* * *

Morgan leaned against the side of the building that housed the BAU. He took a sip of his coffee. In his other hand he held another cup which he had picked up for the person he was waiting for. It wasn't long before, he saw that person approaching.

Reid noticed him as he came up the steps leading to the entrance of the building. He couldn't ever remember a time that Morgan had waited for him outside before. The younger agent slowed his steps, suddenly unsure of himself. His breakdown from the night before came flooding back along with a feeling of embarrassment.

"I thought you might need some coffee that was a little stronger than what gets made at the office," Morgan said, holding out the second coffee cup he was holding.

"Thanks," Reid said, taking the offered cup.

"It's about half sugar," Morgan joked.

Reid found himself smiling as he took a sip of the hot liquid. It was sweet, but not too sweet.

"Were you able to sleep?"

"A little," Reid admitted, looking at the ground and not at Morgan. "Was there a reason you were waiting for me out here."

"Yeah, there was. We need to talk about something."

"Out here?"

"Yeah," Morgan said, looking around to make sure no one was anywhere near them. He saw no one but still took a couple steps closer to Reid before speaking in a quieter tone. "Look, in order for this to work, we're going to have to be completely honest with one another."

Reid looked up, a panicked look on his face. "I was honest with you last night, Morgan. It was just that one time. That vial was the . . ."

"Whoa, easy Reid," Morgan said, cutting off the younger man's panicked words. He reached out to rest a hand on his friend's arm, only to have Reid jump at the touch.

~_This is exactly what I was afraid I would do. I'm screwing this up. Pushing him away,~ _Morgan thought as he tried quickly to think of a way to salvage the situation.

"Calm down, Kid," Morgan said softly, as he looked around to see if they had attracted any attention. It didn't appear as if they had, although he knew if anyone got one look at Reid right now, they'd be concerned.

Before Morgan could say anything else, Reid thrust his coffee cup toward him. Instinctively, Morgan took it.

"Hotch," Reid said quickly, as he knelt down on the ground. He went to untie the shoelace of his left shoe, so he could appear to be retying his shoelace, and managed to put a knot in it.

Still wondering what was going on, Morgan looked over his shoulder to see Hotch walking from the direction of the parking lot. He suddenly understood Reid's act to pretend to tie a shoelace that hadn't been untied in the first place.

"Morning, Hotch," Morgan said as the BAU unit chief came up the side steps.

"Morning, Morgan, Reid," Hotch replied as he walked past the duo, without pause.

Hotch entered the building, leaving the two of them alone again. Reid spent a few more moments trying to get the knot out of his shoelace, then gave up and tucked it into his shoe, still knotted. He stood up and took his coffee cup back from Morgan.

"What if he overheard me?"

"He wasn't close enough at the time," Morgan reassured his friend. "Not that it would matter. Hotch . . ."

"Wouldn't matter! He's my boss. If he knew . . ."

"He does know, Reid," Morgan interjected. He saw the color drain instantly from Reid's face. The look of panic was replaced quickly by fear.

"He knows," Reid repeated softly, feeling his knees grow weak. He walked over to the top of the steps, and sat down on the top one.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you for the last five minutes," Morgan said, sitting down next to him. "I wasn't trying to imply that you weren't being truthful with me last night. I was trying to tell you that there was something I needed to be up front about."

"You told him."

"Okay, you're really starting to test my patience here," Morgan said, running both hands back over his head, in an attempt to calm himself. "Just be quiet for five minutes and let me talk. Can you do that for me?"

Reid started to open his mouth to agree, thought better of it, and simply nodded his head yes.

"Look, Hotch knew before I did. He and Gideon decided if it would be best if Gideon approached you about the issue. Officially, Hotch has no evidence and that's how he wants to keep it He's not going to report you, especially not now. I thought you should know that. I need you to trust me and if you somehow found out about this later on down the road, well I thought it might be enough to destroy that trust."

Reid nodded again but didn't say anything. Morgan finally spoke up again, not liking the silence.

"You going to talk to me, Kid.?" Morgan asked, leaning forward to try to make eye contact with him.

"It hasn't been five minutes yet," Reid replied, a smile coming to his face. It was the first smile Morgan had seen from him that morning.

Morgan punched his friend playfully in the shoulder.

"We should probably head in," Reid said, gesturing to the building behind them.

Morgan nodded, realizing that the conversation was over. He wasn't going to get a reaction from Reid about what he had just told him._~I'm not going to press him_," Morgan thought as he got to his feet. ~_He might need time to process things himself. He'll speak to me went he's ready._~ "Are you going to fix your shoe?"

Reid looked at the knotted shoelace still tucked inside the shoe. "I'll deal with it inside," Reid replied getting to his feet.

The two agents headed into the building. Inside they took a couple of steps toward the elevator and then paused. The two friends looked at each other both thinking about their last experience in an elevator together in which the elevator got stuck. After a moment of hesitation, and without a word passing between them, Reid and Morgan headed for the steps.


	4. The Doubt

Morgan put his go bag and the plastic bag from a local grocery store, down on top of the low dresser of drawers as he entered the room, in the hotel that JJ had arranged for the team to stay at. The scene at the Halbert house had been brutal. He didn't care how many years he did this job, he would never understand how anyone could do the kind of brutal things their UNSUBS did. Yeah, he had lost his temper from time to time. Had gotten into fights, one which had resulted in an aggravated assault charge when he was a kid. The kind of violence that was exhibited at the crime scenes he visited, like the Halbert house, was beyond his understanding though. He fought people who were able to fight back, and then only when forced to. Tying someone up and then beating them to death was beyond his understanding and in a way he hoped it always would be.

He hadn't really had much of a chance to talk to Reid the rest of the day as the case had kept them busy. The kid had seemed okay though. Had participated in the discussions about the case and interviewed the neighbor at the crime scene. He had been collected, confident and professional during everything. It was like the breakdown of the night before had never happened.

~_I guess that's a good thing_,~ Morgan thought, as he picked up the container provided for ice and left the room again.

Morgan walked to the ice machine on the floor, filled the container and headed back to his room. As he walked down the hallway he passed Reid, who was wearing a light jacket.

"Hey, Kid. Where are you going?"

"For a walk. I need some air."

"Want some company?"

"No. I'm fine." Reid told him. He recognized the concern on Morgan's face. "Really," Reid added.

"You have your phone on you, right?" Morgan asked, realizing he sounded like a worried parent but didn't really care at this point. It was almost eight thirty and they were in a neighborhood that neither one of them knew. He didn't like the idea of Reid going out alone, especially giving what had happened down in Georgia.

Reid reached into his pants pocket and removed the phone. He held it up for Morgan to see before returning it to his pocket. Reid turned and headed back for the stairs he had been heading for before.

Morgan watched the younger agent until he had disappeared from sight. He contemplated following him but his words from that morning came back to him. _~I told Reid I needed him to trust me. If I follow him, that's going to destroy that trust. If he's going to trust me, then I'm going to have to trust him,_~ Morgan thought as he finished walking the short distance to his room. He put the key card into the door, and turned the knob, stepping inside. A doubt inside of him wondering if he really could trust Reid in this situation. ~_He admitted to using the drug after visiting Gideon's cabin. He voluntarily turned over that vial last night. If nothing else, that shows he is admitting to himself there is a problem. Shows he wants help._~

Morgan put some ice in a glass, and reached into the bag from the store. Taking out the bottle of soda he had bought, he filled the glass. Twisting the lid back on the soda bottle he left the bottle on the desk, picked up the glass and TV remote and headed for the bed.

It had been a long day and tomorrow was looking to be another long day. Still, Morgan wasn't ready to try to sleep yet. He propped the pillows up against the headboard and sat down on the bed, flipping the TV on as he did so. Morgan began flipping through the channels, not really paying attention to what was on the screen as his mind was still on Reid.

* * *

He wasn't sure what had caught his attention but something had, which was why Morgan found himself standing in front of the door to Reid's room. The FBI agent went to knock on the door when he noticed it was ajar. Suddenly alert, Morgan slowly reached out and put his hand against the door, easing it open. The hinges squeaked in the otherwise quiet of the night.

"Reid?" Morgan called out. There was a dim light coming from the main area of the room. ~_One of the lamps are on_,~ Morgan thought as he carefully stepped the entire way into the room.

"Reid, are you in here?" Morgan called out, still not getting an answer. The room was quiet. Too quiet for Morgan's liking.

~_Maybe he hasn't come back yet_~ Morgan told himself, and yet at the same time knowing that Reid's door had been completely shut when he had returned to his own room after getting the ice.

Reaching the corner of the wall, marking the end of the bathroom, the rest of the room came into view. The blinds were closed, only a line of light from the lights in the parking lot outside peeking around the edges. The lamp by the bed was on a low setting. The bed was still made. In fact it looked as if it hadn't been touched at all. The whole room was as neat as a pin. Reid's go bag sat on the dresser. Next to it was a plastic bag. The only thing that Morgan didn't see was the kid's messenger bag.

~_He didn't leave with it, so it should be here somewhere_,~ Morgan thought, as he walked further into the room.

Reaching the foot of the bed, Morgan suddenly found himself rooted in place. He had found the messenger bag. It was laying on the floor, the flap opened. Next to it sat Reid. He had his back to the wall. A needle was pushed into the skin of his left forearm, his right hand slowly pushing the stopper of the needle down.

Reid looked up at him then. "I needed the escape," he said simply, as if that explained everything. As if that made it okay.

In a matter of seconds, Morgan had closed the distance between him and Reid. Reaching down, he seized the younger man's right wrist in his hand and pulled his hand away from his left arm, the needle coming with it. Morgan grabbed the needle with his left hand and tossed it to the side. He then hauled the younger man to his feet, pinning him to the wall behind him.

"I can't believe you! You told me you didn't have anymore and I believed you!"

"I didn't. I told you the truth."

"The truth! The truth is I just caught you shooting up. Where else did it come from?"

"It's not hard to find the right people to talk to once you know who to look for."

"You just got it! You left here just to go find a way to get high!" Morgan was shouting at this point but he didn't care. The whole floor could show up in this room for all he cared at this point.

He was feeling a whole range of emotions at this point. Anger at Reid for doing what he had done. For lying to him. Guilt at not following through with his instincts and following his friend when he left the hotel. Shame at being fooled so easily.

There was a knock on the door. ~_But the door is opened. I never shut it,_~ Morgan thought, even as he turned toward the door.

As he heard another knock, Morgan opened his eyes. He wasn't in Reid's room, he was in his own. The TV was still on, some old western currently playing. Slowly sitting up, Morgan swung his legs over the side of the bed trying to orient himself to his surroundings. Trying to forget the images of the dream that had seemed so real.

There was another knock on the door. Longer this time. More insistent.

"I'll be right there," Morgan called out, slowly getting to his feet, while massaging the kink out of his neck from the awkward position he had fallen asleep in. He glanced at the alarm clock on the night stand as he did so. 9:32. ~_Guess I was more tired than I thought_,~ Morgan thought as he made his way toward the door.

A quick glance through the peep hole showed Reid standing on the other side of the door. He opened the door.

"I was starting to think you had gone out looking for me or something," Reid said, when he saw Morgan.

"Are you just getting back?"

"Yeah. I lost track of time."

Images from the dream came back to him. He had a sudden urge to pull his friend into the room and search him.

"Morgan, are you okay? Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, but I'm glad you did. I didn't exactly fall asleep in the most comfortable position."

"You didn't answer my first question," Reid said, his voice laced with concern.

"I'm fine," Morgan replied quickly. He wasn't about to tell Reid about his dream. The dream probably was a manifestation of the doubts he was feeling. The nagging doubts he had when it came to how much he could trust Reid in this situation. It was something he didn't want his friend to know about. "Did you need something?"

"I just thought I'd let you know I was back from my walk."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Goodnight, Morgan," Reid said, turning to head for his room, next door.

Morgan leaned out the door, watching Reid as he put his key card into the slot. The light flashed green, and Reid turned the door knob, glancing toward Morgan as he did so.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Reid asked again.

"Yeah. Night, Reid," Morgan replied, stepping back into his own room and shutting the door.

Morgan walked back to the bed. He took off his shoes and then turned off the TV. Pulling back the blankets he climbed into the bed. As he adjusted the pillows under his head, images from his dream came back to him. The needle in Reid's arm. The look on Reid's face as he held him pinned against the wall. ~They're not real,~ he told himself, trying hard to banish them from his mind.

He may have been successful but they were replaced with images that he knew to be real. Not just images but a flood of memories. Memories he had tried to forget. Reid tied to the chair in that cabin, blood covering the one side of his head. Reid's voice as he refused to pick one of the team to die, as Hankle pointed the gun at him. Reid had stared at Hankle, in the Raphael persona, a look of defiance in his eyes, even as Morgan's own heart had stopped momentarily at each pull of the trigger. Finally naming Hotch and only finally flinching when Hankle had fired the gun harmlessly at a point over his head. Fired the one bullet that had been in the gun.

Finally, he saw Reid kneeling next to the dead body of Tobias Hankle. Reid had looked so weak, scared and lost at that moment. Even as Hotch had helped the young man to his feet, Reid looked as if he was about to collapse again. He had watched Reid embrace Hotch and then JJ, fighting back the tears that were threatened to fall. Gideon finally moving to his side to help him. Morgan had wanted to go to Reid at that point to but he had held back. He had felt guilty at not being able to protect the kid from this. For not finding him in time to prevent him from having to shoot Tobias to protect himself. Yes they had found Reid alive, but Morgan had still felt as though he had failed him.

~_And I've been failing him every day since then_,~ Morgan thought, reaching out to turn out the lamp.

He settled his head on the pillow and tried to go to sleep. Sleep refused to come for a long time.

* * *

AN: If anyone is still confused, the part from right after the first line break until Morgan opens his eyes is a dream sequence. I'm hoping I made it clear enough in the story but I figured I'd add this note in case I didn't.


	5. The Plane

Morgan looked out the window of the jet, not that there was much to see. It was dark, and judging by the complete lack of any specks of light down below, he was guessing they were above some pretty heavy cloud cover. As if in answer to his thought of the lack of light, a flash of lighting lit up some clouds in the distance.

Since leaving the Denver area, Morgan had found himself thinking about the kids living in the Manwaring house. That wasn't a good environment for those children. He hated that he had to leave with them still there, just as he had hated taking Tyler and Sara back there following Gary's surrender at the café. Hated it but he had been forced to do it. He had taken an oath to uphold the laws of this country. Laws made to protect the innocence but sometimes in protecting some they could be detrimental to others.

Yes, social services would be looking into the situation but that took time. ~_How much more emotional and mental damage will those children suffer while those social workers do what they can by the system. By a system that sometimes just doesn't work._~

At least Tyler was out of that house. Out of the house but not out of danger by a long shot. Sure the kid would be tried as a juvenile for the charges he was facing, which weren't as bad as what they could have been. What Gary had been hoping for. Still, Tyler's chances of being placed with another family were severely diminished with this incident. Most people involved in the foster care system weren't going to take in a kid who had already shown a capacity for violence.

~_We can't save everyone. How many times have I heard those words spoken to me? How many times have I said them to someone else?_~ Morgan asked. He couldn't remember any more but he knew the truth of them even if right now they didn't offer any comfort.

Morgan looked away from the window and glanced around. To his left, Hotch had fallen asleep. In front of him, JJ's blonde head rested against the seat back. From the stillness of it, Morgan assumed she had fallen asleep, just as Prentiss had across from her. Further back, Reid was laying on the bench seat. As he shifted position on the seat, Morgan wasn't sure if he had been able to fall asleep or not. If he had it looked to be a restless sleep.

~_We can't save everyone but please don't let it be one of our own that we are unable to save,~ _Morgan thought, as he kept his gaze on Reid. ~_Distance and circumstances might limit what I can do for Tyler but I don't have those excuses when it comes to Reid_.~

Derek sighed and looked back out the window. He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there when he sensed movement in front of him. He looked in that direction to see Reid taking the seat across from him.

"You can't sleep either I see," Reid said in a low voice as to not disturb their sleeping co-workers.

"Guess I've got to much on my mind," Morgan commented. "You?"

Reid shrugged, clearly not wanting to talk about why he was up while everyone else was sleeping.

"Are you thinking about Tyler?" Reid asked.

Morgan glanced over at him. It amazed him sometimes how the young genius could be some perceptive sometimes and then completely oblivious at other times.

"Guess I'm just worried about what's going to become of him. He's a good kid. Even given the opportunity he didn't hurt anyone but that's not going to matter to most people."

"I think he'll be okay. Like you said he's a good kid. It'll work out. Kids can be surprisingly resilient."

Morgan nodded, hearing what Reid wasn't adding to the statement. Coming from Reid, it wasn't just empty words meant for comfort, but words spoken out of experience. Reid's childhood had been anything but easy even when he compared it to his own. He hadn't kept that from stopping him from making something out of himself. Hopefully, the same was going to be true for Tyler.

"You did what you could, Morgan."

"I just hope its enough," Morgan replied, grateful that Reid didn't try to assure him that it was. That was something neither one of them could be sure of, and the last thing Morgan wanted right now was false platitudes.

The two were silent for a few moments, both lost in their own thoughts. Reid was looking down at the floor between me. Looking over at him, Morgan wondered what was going through his mind. He had a feeling that Reid had come back here to talk, and not just about Tyler.

"So, you know what's keeping me awake. Care to tell me what it is that won't let you sleep?" Morgan ventured, hoping to get his friend to open up.

Reid didn't look up even as he spoke, his words only a whisper. "Every time I close my eyes, I keep seeing the same thing."

Morgan had leaned forward to hear his friend's words. "What is it, Reid?" he asked, softly.

"You," Reid said softly. He glanced up to see the questioning look that had come across Morgan's face. "I keep replaying the scene from the other night. Hear you asking me to tell you that I wasn't . . ." Reid didn't finish the sentence but Morgan didn't need him to. Reid looked back down at the floor. "I can feel your hands on my arms and then hear the sound of you hitting the dash. You scared me that night. I mean I've seen you lose your temper before. Have seen you plenty of times reacting to something that made you angry and upset but that was the first time that has ever been directed at me."

"Reid, you know I would never intentionally hurt you, don't you?" Morgan asked, feeling bad that he had scared the kid. Reid didn't respond to what Morgan had said but continued talking.

"I can't blame you for being angry with me. I know I've disappointed you. And not just you, but everyone on the team. Know that I've been difficult at times. I can't blame any of you for hating me. There are times that I hate myself."

"Reid, I don't hate you," Morgan said, watching his friend. Reid continued to stare at the floor. "Spencer, look at me," Morgan said, getting the other agent to finally look up at him. "I won't deny that there are times that I feel anger toward you. That I hate some of the choices that you've made. May hate something that you've done. Hate what Hankle did to you. Don't you ever think that I hate you because of that, though."

"I can't blame Tobias for what I've done."

"Reid . . ."

"What I've done since then, I don't blame Tobias for. I can't. Yes, Tobias introduced me to the drug but it was my choice to continue using it. It was a way out. For a little while I could forget what I went through. Forget the pain I had gone through. The pain that seemed to follow me. I needed the escape."

Those last words triggered memories of the dream from the previous night. In that dream Reid had said those same words to him. ~_I needed the escape_.~

"It doesn't solve anything. I know what you've gone through can't be easy to deal with but drugs are not the way to deal with it."

"I know. Sometimes though I feel like I just can't endure anymore. Feel like I'm drowning and there's no one there to save me. Feel like that escape is the only way."

"You're not alone, Reid."

"How can you say that? You don't know what its like for me! Yes you may have lost your father, but you've got a mother and two sisters that will always be there for you no matter what. Do you know how many times I've wished for that for myself. Look at those of you with family in envy. My father left me with my mother, who needed me more than I needed her. I had to be strong for her. Still need to be strong for her. Then there was Gideon, who was like a father to me in many ways and he just up and left."

"Reid you've got the team."

"Gideon was a part of the team," Reid told him simply. His gaze shifted from Morgan to the window.

"Forget about Gideon. He left and when he left he didn't just leave you, he left this whole team and it wasn't our fault. It just was and as much as I hate to say it, all we can do is move on. There are five other members of this team that care about you. Garcia's always trying to keep our spirits uplifting and given the nature of our jobs, that is a big role to fulfill. JJ is always making sure to include you anytime any of us get together outside of work, even though after all these years we all know you usually won't join us. She blamed herself for what happened to you for a long time afterwards and she still worries about you. Prentiss might not know you that well, but she knows you enough to know something wasn't right with you. I know she's still trying to figure out how to take you at times, but she does care, Reid. Then there is Hotch. The guy is putting his career on the line to protect yours. Not many people would do that, so the next time you feel like your all alone, just remember that any of us would drop everything in a heartbeat to help you out. And if that isn't enough, just call me at anytime. I'll do whatever I need to do to make you believe your not alone because you forgot someone when you mentioned my family. You mentioned my mother, and two sisters, but the one person you forgot about is my brother. That's how I see you, Reid. I don't know when it started happening but you're as much family to me as they are."

Reid looked back at Morgan. The older man could see the hope and read the question in Reid's eyes before the younger agent even said anything. "Do you really mean that?"

"I wouldn't say something like that if I didn't mean it, Kid."

Reid nodded before looking back toward the window. Morgan wasn't sure what else he could say, and it appeared to him as if his friend was done talking for now.

~_The kid is dealing with so many conflicting emotions right now and I feel so in over my head that I don't know how to help him. I do know that one conversation is not going to magically fix all this. Its going to take time for him to sort through everything he's feeling and I plan on being there every step of the way no matter what_,~ Derek thought as his gazed stay on his friend.

He thought about other relationships, family and friends, whose lives he had seen destroyed by drugs over the years. Some of those stories had happy endings and others did not. One thing he had learned was that every failure had one thing in common - the person abusing the drugs had always managed to drive the other people away, either with their actions or with their words.

~_I won't let Reid do that. No matter what he says or does, I'm going to be there, even if what he is doing feels like he is driving a knife into my heart at the time. You're not going to get rid of me, Kid and I'm not going to leave you. I won't ever just leave you like your father did. Like Gideon did. I'm stronger than that and no matter where our lives may take us, I'll always make sure you know how to reach me.~_

"Reid," Morgan said, breaking the silence that had fallen over the jet. He waited for Reid to look in his direction before continuing. "I meant what I said about calling me at any time. For whatever reason. You understand?"

Reid only nodded once again, before turning his attention back to the window. Morgan leaned back in his seat and rested his head against the back of the seat.


	6. The Cafe

"I enjoyed the ride," the dark-haired, hispanic woman said as she took the motorcycle helmet off and handing it to Morgan.

"You sure I can't give you a ride home?" Morgan asked, glancing around the area they were in.

He had met the girl at the bar they were currently standing in front of. He had come here after getting home from a late night case at the mall. The BAU had been called in to help with a child kidnaping. It had been an easy case compared to most of the team's cases, but still disturbing. The girl had been found, but it hadn't turned out to be a simple kidnaping. At least now the abuse Katie had been suffering was out in the open and could be dealt with. The little girl had a long road ahead of her but at least she had two loving parents to help her through it.

Though he had work the next morning, Morgan had headed for a bar to unwind. Staying clear of the alcohlic beverages, Morgan had looked for someone with whom he could spend a little time. Someone to provide a little distraction. The distraction had found him, in the way of the woman now standing in front of him. They had chatted over a drink. Danced to a few songs. The woman had expressed a love of motorcycles. As Morgan had driven his bike to the bar, he had offered to give her a ride. Now they were back at the bar, saying goodnight.

"I'll be fine. My bus stop is right on the corner," she told him pointing down the road. The woman opened her purse and dug out a piece of scrap paper and pen. She scribbled something down and handed it to Morgan. "If you'd like to get together again, give me a call."

"I just might do that, Anita" he told her, leaning toward her to give her a kiss goodnight.

As the woman headed toward the bus stop, Morgan stuffed the piece of paper in his pocket. He put the extra helmet away in the trunk attached to the back of the bike and then got back on his bike. _~It's probably about time I headed home,~ _he thought to himself as he flipped down the visor on his helmet. Before he could start the bike though, he heard his cell phone ring.

He took his cell phone out and saw Reid's name and cell number on the screen. As he pulled off his helmet, he noticed that there were three other missed calls.

Following the case at the mall, Morgan had asked Reid to come out with him tonight. He thought they both needed the chance to unwind. The young genius had declined saying he just wanted to head home and get some sleep. ~_Apparently that didn't work well,_~ Morgan thought.

"Hey, Reid. What's up?" he asked answering the call, his helmet balanced in front of him on the bike. The smile he had been wearing faded when he heard the reply.

"This isn't Reid," a female voice said.

"Who is this? What are you doing with that phone?" Morgan demanded as all kinds of possible scenarios went through his mind, none of them good.

"Look, I found it. It was left at the café I was working at and I was trying to find the owner. This was the last number they called."

"What café?" Morgan asked.

The lady on the other end of the phone told him and told him where it was located, but refused to give her name. "Ask for the manager when you get here," she told him.

"Okay," Morgan replied, realizing he had probably scared the woman. Not giving her name to a stranger is the smart thing to do. Look, if the owner of that phone comes back for it before I get there, ask him to stay there. Tell him Morgan is on his way. Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah, sure."

Morgan ended the call and sighed. ~_He probably just forgot the cell phone when he left and there is nothing to worry about, but what are you doing in that neighborhood, Kid_,~ Morgan wondered as he clipped his cell phone to his belt and picked up his helmet. The café was nowhere near where Reid lived and it also wasn't the best of neighborhoods either.

Fifteen minutes later, Morgan was pulling to a stop outside of the all night café, the Moonlight Express. The place looked well maintain, especially when compared to some of the other buildings near it. There weren't many people in the area at this time of night. Tucking his helmet under one arm, Morgan started removing his gloves and then pulled out his phone.

On a long shot, he called Reid's home phone. It rang four times before the answering machine picked up. Morgan ended the call, and clipped the phone back to his belt. Either the kid hadn't gone home yet or he hadn't had time to get there.

Morgan headed toward the café. A bell sounded as he walked into the building, causing the three visible employees to look in his direction. There were two waitress and a man behind the counter. Taking in the room, Morgan quickly counted seven patrons as he headed for the counter.

"Are you the manager?" he asked, addressing the man as he reached for his credentials.

"Yeah. Who wants to know?"

"Agent Morgan, FBI," he replied, holding the credentials up for the man to see as he stepped up to the counter. The man took a good look at them before looking back at Morgan. "I got a phone call from a friend's cell phone. The woman I spoke with said she found it. Said she worked here and it had been left."

"That was me," one of the waitress replied, taking a few more steps toward the counter. The woman looked to be in her early twenties and had reddish blonde hair. "You really FBI?"

Morgan showed his credentials to her.

"I'm sorry about not giving my name it's just that . . ."

"No apology necessary, ma'am. It was actually a smart thing to do." Morgan told her. The woman nodded her head. "Do you remember the person that left the phone here?"

"Yeah. I hadn't seen him in here before. Skinny guy. Didn't look like he should be out in this neighborhood alone at this time of night. He came in, took a seat back in the corner," the waitress replied, pointing over her shoulder at a table that was now empty. "He was here for awhile, an hour maybe, but he only ordered coffee. Didn't say much but he had his phone out most of the time he was here. I didn't notice when he left. He had left money on the table to cover the bill. I found the phone sitting on the table when I went to clean up. I looked outside for him but didn't see him. Like I said, when we spoke before, your number was the last one called. I thought it was the best bet for locating the phone's owner."

Though the description fit Reid, he wanted a positive id. Wanted to make sure no one else had gotten a hold of the kid's phone. Morgan grabbed his cell phone, and quickly brought up a picture of Reid and Garcia, taken when he and Reid had taken the technical analyst out to eat for her birthday. "Is that the guy who was in here?" he asked the waitress showing her the phone.

"Yeah. That's him."

"Where's his phone?"

"Here," the cafe manager said, handing Reid's cell phone over the counter to him.

"If he comes back looking for it, tell him I have it and tell him to call me," Morgan said, addressing both the waitress and the manager, as he put Reid's phone in his pocket. He then handed one of his cards to the manager.

"Will do," the manager said as he took the offered card.

Morgan headed back for the door. He still didn't know what the kid was doing in this neighborhood but there probably wasn't anything to worry about. Knowing Reid, he had probably put the phone on the table to pay the bill, and then left without it. The kid might have been a genius but he could be absent minded at times. Still, he knew he wouldn't be able to relax until he located Reid.

As he left the café he called Reid's home number again. Once more, there was no answer but he left a message this time, instructing Reid to call him when he got the message. Reaching his motorcycle, Morgan placed his helmet and gloves on the seat of the bike, and he debated on calling the other team members for help. It didn't take him long to decide there was no point in worrying the rest right then. There was no sign that Reid was in any danger. Having someone go to his apartment in case Reid showed up there though, made sense. There was no guarantee Reid would check his messages on returning home and Morgan didn't want to be out searching for hours when Reid had already returned home.

He called the team member that lived closest to Reid. It took four rings for a sleepy voice to answer.

"Hello."

"JJ its Morgan. I'm sorry to wake you up but I need you to do something for me," Morgan said and then explained the situation. "Can you go to his apartment and let me know if he shows up there."

"Yeah sure. Should I call the others?"

"Not yet," Morgan told her. "There's nothing to indicate he's in any danger, I just want to find him before I call it a night."

"Okay. I'll get dressed and head on over there. Call me if you find him first."

"I will," Morgan assured her.

Ending the call, Morgan put his phone away. He straddled the bike and put his gloves back on, trying to decide where to start looking. ~_I guess searching the immediate area is the best place to start. Of course if he got on a bus or something who knows where he may be_,~ Morgan thought, as he secured his helmet. He flipped the visor down, started the bike and pulled away from the curb.

* * *

Call me anytime, Morgan had said but when Reid had called he hadn't gotten an answer. Reid had thought about leaving a message but in the end hadn't. He hadn't known what to say. Didn't know what he would have said if Morgan had answered the phone, actually.

Sitting at the café, he had started feeling closed in, just like he had at home. He needed an escape. Needed to not be able to think or feel anything.

~_I need the drug. It's the only thing that will let me forget. Forget the fear and pain of everything that happened in Georgia. Forget the pain of being abandoned by my father and then by Gideon. Forget the guilt of not being strong enough to help Mom. She doesn't deserve to be left at an institution so far away. Alone. I abandoned her, just like Dad abandoned the both of us._~

~_I'm sorry Mom but I just didn't know how to help you by myself. I know I should visit more, but its so hard to get out there and bringing you out east wouldn't be fair to you. Perhaps I should be willing to make sacrifices for you. Do something that would allow me to be near you._~

Reid took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ~_Stop it. This isn't getting you anywhere. Just don't think about it. Don't think about anything_.~

But telling himself not to think and actually doing it were two different things. Try as he might, Reid couldn't get his mind to go to a blank state. All his worries and insecurities kept creeping in. All of his failures kept haunting him.

Across the street he caught a glimpse of two guys. They were huddled together, their backs to the street. One glanced in his direction and Reid looked away. Reaching an intersection, he turned right and kept walking. Every few steps he cast a look back over his shoulder, fearful that one or both of those guys would be following.

Reid fourth glance was too long, as in not paying attention to where he was walking, he ran into a fire hydrant. He stumbled but kept his balance, cursing under his breath as his shin throbbed. As he waited for the pain to subside he glanced around him, and realized that he had no clue as to where he was. He wasn't even sure he could remember his way back to the café he had been at.

_~This is probably about the stupidest thing you've ever done,_~ he told himself, glancing back in the direction he had come from. To his relief, he saw no one. ~This doesn't look like it's the best neighborhood to be lost in. Trouble is, I don't even know what neighborhood this is.~

Reid reached into his pocket for his cell phone. ~_I'll try Morgan again_,~ he told himself, knowing that his friend would never let him live getting lost down but a lifetime of teasing was preferable to wandering the streets all night. Panic filled him as he realized his cell phone was no longer in his pocket.

~_Maybe it fell out, when I stumbled over the fire hydrant,_~ Reid thought, looking around. A quick search told him that was not the case. ~_The last time I remember having it was at the café. I sat it on the table, when I got money out. Left the money on the table. Did I pick the cell phone back up?_~

Reid kicked the fire hydrant as he realized he hadn't. The action hurt more than he had anticipated, and instantly he wished he hadn't kicked the hydrant.

He thought about the vial of dilaudid he had turned over to Morgan. _~Why did I do that? I could really use it right about now,_~ He thought as he thought of how he felt when the drug was in his body. ~_Right about now, anything would be better than the way I'm feeling,_~ he thought, turning his back to the hydrant and sinking to the ground. He leaned back against the fire hydrant.

~_This isn't fair. Why can't just one thing in my life go right. Is that too much to ask?_~

The sound of thunder finally prompted Reid to get back on his feet. ~_I need to find either a pay phone or a bus stop_,~ he told himself as he started walking down the street. At each intersection he would check the street signs, hoping something would be familiar. Another boom of thunder made him look to the sky. ~_Please don't rain. Just please let one thing go right_,~ Reid said.

As if in answer to his plea, Reid spotted a phone booth. _~Please, Morgan, please answer your phone this time,_~ he pleaded silently with his friend. Logically he knew Morgan couldn't hear him. That any plea he made was following on deaf ears but as he walked quickly to the phone booth, he kept up the plea for an answer to his call this time.


	7. The Shadows

Morgan pulled the bike to the curb, and flipped up his visor. As he had twice before, he took a moment to check his cell phone for any missed calls. He had left the café forty-five minutes ago, and there had been no sign of Reid. He had even asked a few people that he had passed if they had seen him with no luck.

~_Where have you gotten to, Kid_?~ Morgan asked silently, his worry mounting.

There were no missed calls. He was starting to think the searching was pointless. That his best bet was to just go relieve JJ and wait for Reid to come home or call. ~_Somehow, I don't think that method is going to sit well with JJ. She'll probably insist on calling the others and then end up out here searching herself._~

"Not tonight, JJ," Morgan said softly though no one was in the area to hear him.

He heard thunder followed by lighting streaking through the sky in the distance. He was ready to put his cell phone away when it rang. The words unknown number popped up on the screen.

"Hello?" Morgan said, answering it. Relief flooded through him as he heard the voice on the other end of the line.

"Morgan, it's me, Reid."

"Kid, where are you?"

"I'm on a payphone. I'm not really sure where I am," Reid told him, his voice sounding scared, dazed and confused all at the same time.

~_He went out and got some drug after I left him tonight. He got high and now that he's come down he doesn't know where he's at,_~ was the conclusion that Morgan automatically went to.

Morgan pushed back the anger he was feeling at that point. He didn't even know if that was true and right then it wasn't important. Getting to Reid was what was important. He would deal with whatever else he had to deal with then.

"What's around you?"

Reid started describing his surroundings. He named a restaurant that Morgan remembered passing not that long ago.

"I know where that is. Just sit tight. I'll be there shortly."

Morgan ended the call and then dialed JJ's number. After telling her, he had found Reid, he headed for where Reid was calling from. Morgan spotted the telephone booth across from the restaurant Reid had named, but didn't see anyone there. He pulled to a stop in front of it. Pulling off his helmet, he looked around for the other agent.

Off to his left, he heard a shuffle of footsteps and a murmur of voices. Morgan hung his helmet on the handle bar of the bike and got off the bike.

"Reid," Morgan called out.

"I'm outta here man," a voice said in the shadows near the building.

Morgan started walking in that direction, as he saw one person take off in a run down the street. His eyes having adjusted more to the lighting of the area, Morgan could make out two more figures, one of which was pressed as close as they could be to the building. The other figure suddenly made a move to follow the guy who had took off. Morgan reached out and grabbed the guy's collar before he had taken more than about five steps.

"Hold on a minute. Leaving so soon," Morgan said to the guy.

"I didn't do anything. We were just talking," the guy said quickly, looking over his shoulder at Morgan. Though a couple inches shorter than Morgan, the guy was broad shouldered. Even in the poor lighting the look on his face told Morgan that the guy had no desire to be there right then. The guy glanced over at Reid. "Right man?"

"Protesting before I even ask any questions. Now that's a sign of guilt if I ever saw one," Morgan replied, tightening his grip on the guy's shirt. His other hand was clenched into a fist. ~_If he so much as laid one finger on Reid . . _.~

"Morgan, let him go," Reid said, from where he still stood against the building. Morgan looked in his direction but could only make out the younger man's outline. "He didn't touch me."

"See told you. Listen to your friend," the guy Morgan was holding on to said quickly.

Morgan hesitated. He could hear the fear in his friend's voice. Still it had been there when he was talking to Reid on the phone.

"Morgan," Reid said again.

This time Morgan could hear the plea in his friend's voice. He remembered what Reid had said on the plane about his actions in the car scaring him. He hesitated a moment before giving the guy a slight shove away from him. "Get out of here," Morgan told him, as the guy stumbled a couple of steps and then took off in a run. Morgan turned to Reid. "Are you okay?"

Reid finally stepped away from the building. As he stepped out of the shadows Morgan could see that Reid was still dressed in the same clothes he had been wearing at the mall, minus the tie. Morgan noted the agent wasn't wearing his gun, and as Reid didn't carry a back-up piece, assumed he was unarmed. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, and Morgan found himself looking for any signs of recent drug use or any visible signs of injury. He was relieved not to see anything.

"I'm fine."

"Then do you mind telling me what the hell you've been doing tonight?" Morgan asked, resisting the urge to yell. To just search Reid for drugs right there and then without asking any questions.

"I know what your probably thinking, but I didn't buy anything. I swear. Go ahead and search me if you want," Reid said, holding his arms slightly away from him.

~_I want to trust him. I should trust him_,~ Morgan told himself, as he looked at his friend. ~_This isn't just some suspect. He's my friend. I need to know for sure though_.~

Hating himself for doing it, Morgan closed the distance between them and checked his friend's pockets. He was relieved to find nothing and ashamed for not trusting his friend.

"I'm sorry," Morgan said softly.

"Don't be. I wouldn't trust me if I were in your place," Reid said, the tone of his voice telling Morgan the words were sincere. "I will admit, I did think about it."

"You told me you were going home?" Morgan said, trying to make the words sound like a statement and not an accusation.

"I did and then I couldn't stay there. I started feeling trapped. Closed in. So I went for a walk. I passed a couple different groups of people hiding in shadows, getting high. I thought about how it would feel to join them. I was scared to realize how easy it was for my thoughts to go there and I just started walking. Trying to get away from the temptation. I remember getting on a bus at some point. Don't ask me what stop I got off at. I found myself outside a café. I went in and tried to call you but I didn't get an answer."

"I was on my bike. I didn't hear the phone."

Reid nodded. "Eventually, I left. I didn't want to stay in any one place so I just started walking, not wanting to think about anything. Trying to ignore the feeling of wanting to find an escape. Hoping that if I didn't think about anything then I could find that escape without the drug. Eventually, I stopped and looked around and realized I didn't have any clue as to where I was. I went to try calling you again and realized I didn't have my phone anymore."

"You left it at the café. The waitress called me as my number was the last one you had called. How do you think I got here so soon after you called? I've been looking for you," Morgan told him, taking Reid's phone out of his pocket and handing it to him. As Reid took it from him, Morgan noticed that his friend's hand was shaking. Looking at his face, he saw the lost, scared look that was there. Morgan reached out, and pulled his friend into a hug. "Everything is okay, Reid." Morgan told him.

"No its not. I keep thinking about how much I wanted to join those other addicts. It would have been so easy. Just seeing it. That's all it took to make me crave it. I use to never even contemplate using drugs and now, now it doesn't take much at all in order for that to be all I can think about. I've gotten weak.."

"Weak?" Morgan questioned, as he took a step back, and held Reid at arm's length. "You're not weak, Reid. Weak would have been giving into those feelings. You didn't. You fought it. You walked away. The weak people can't do that. You understand me?"

Reid nodded. Thunder rumbled overhead. "Are you ready to go home?" Morgan asked.

Reid nodded again as he put his cell phone into this pocket. It was then that Morgan noticed that Reid's watch was missing.

"Reid, where's your watch?" Morgan asked, even though he had a suspicion as to what had happened to it. He looked in the direction the two guys had run off in.

Reid glanced down at his wrist, and then stuffed both hands deep into his pocket as if he was trying to hide the fact that the watch was missing. "I guess I lost it somewhere. Seems to be a theme for me tonight," he replied.

~_I'm not buying it_,~ Morgan thought. ~_Still, there isn't much that could be done about it at this point. Those two guys had too much of a head start at this point. Not to mention I don't think I'm going to get much cooperation from Reid trying to charge those two with anything_.~

Thunder filled the air, though the storm was still of in the distance.

"Let's get you home then," Morgan said, deciding not to press the issue. He started toward his motorcycle, only taking a few steps before Reid speaking up stopped him. "I'm not getting on that thing."

Morgan looked back at him. "I've got an extra helmet and I'm a safe driver," Morgan told him.

"So? The United States Department of Transportation reports that for passenger cars, 18.62 fatal crashes occur per 100,000 vehicles registered while it rises to 75.19 per 100,000 vehicles registered when it comes to motorcycles."

Morgan stared at him. Even after knowing the young genius for as long as he did, he still couldn't believe how easily Reid could rattle off obscure statistics from reports most people wouldn't even bother to read. "I've been riding for years, Reid. Not one accident. Not even a minor one."

"There's a first time for everything," Reid replied, not taking even one step closer to the bike.

Morgan sighed. "Reid I promise, nothing is going to happen," he told him walking toward the bike. He opened the trunk and took out the extra helmet, holding it out to his friend. A flash of lighting lit up the sky. Seconds later thunder filled the air again prompting Reid to slowly walk toward him and take the helmet.

Morgan reached for his own helmet and quickly had it on. He looked back to see Reid fumbling with the chin strap of the helmet. Reaching out, Morgan took a hold of the strap and quickly had it adjusted. The light from the nearby street lamp, allowed Morgan a good view of Reid, and he noticed his friend's face was as white as a ghost.

"You'll be fine, Reid," Morgan said reassuringly. "Garcia has rode with me plenty of times. You don't want me telling her you were too scared to get on a motorcycle would you. I'm sure she would fine that just as amusing as you telling her I freaked out when the elevator got stuck."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me," Morgan replied.

"Let's go," Reid replied, realizing that his friend probably would enjoy telling Garcia.

Morgan smiled as he got on the bike. "Just hold onto to me," he said over his shoulder as Reid climbed on behind him.

"That won't be a problem," Reid replied

Morgan flipped his visor down and started the bike. Reid had a death grip on him. Morgan thought about calling back to the kid to calm down and loosen his grip but stopped himself. It wasn't important and if the death grip made Reid feel a little more secure on the bike then so be it.


	8. The Emptiness

"Have you been taking the steps ever since that elevator got stuck?" Morgan asked, as he walked up the steps behind Reid. They were heading to the fifth floor of the building and had covered about half of the distance.

"As much as I can," Reid replied. "And I told you that you didn't have to come up with me," he added, still trying to figure out how to get Morgan to leave without letting him into his apartment.

~_Seeing the apartment right now will only make him worry more. I've already caused enough problems for him tonight_.~

Morgan didn't reply. Before long, they had reached the fifth floor. Reid stepped through the door with Morgan still behind him. The former was about to make another attempt at getting his friend to go his way, when he noticed someone sitting on the floor of the hallway near his apartment.

~_Correction, they're sitting right in front of my apartment door_,~ Reid said as he slowed his steps down. After a few more steps, he recognized who it was that was there.

"JJ?"

The person sitting on the floor looked up. Seeing Reid she got quickly to her feet and started in his direction.

"Spence. I'm glad you're okay," she said. Reaching him she reached out to hug him.

Instinctively, Reid put up his hands to stop her. "I'm soaking wet," he said. It had finally started raining about halfway to his apartment. Both he and Morgan were soaked.

"Like I care about a little water," JJ replied, pulling a reluctant Reid into a hug. After a moment of hesitation he hugged her back. "I was so worried about you," JJ told him.

Morgan had walked around JJ and was now in Reid's field of view. As Reid broke away from JJ, he saw Morgan standing there with a smile on his face. A smile which clearly said, 'told you so' and Reid knew exactly what his fried was getting at.

"Don't you dare do that again," JJ said, drawing Reid's attention away from Morgan. She hit Reid lightly on the shoulder. Looking into her eyes, Reid could see the concern there.

"I won't," he told her sincerely. "Promise."

"Didn't I tell you to go home, JJ," Morgan remarked.

"Yeah, but I just couldn't. Not until I saw that Spence was okay for myself," JJ commented.

Reid didn't bother to look at Morgan this time. ~_I know what he's up to. You've already proven your point._~

"Well, I'm fine," Reid said out loud. "I'm sorry I had you both worried and we all need to get some sleep before work tomorrow. I appreciate what you've both done tonight, but you can both go home. I'll see you both at work tomorrow."

"You sure, if you need some company . . ." JJ began.

"Go home. I feel bad enough that I've had you up this late as it is," Reid told her.

"Well you know technically Morgan is the one that called me," JJ said.

"Sure, lay the blame on me," he replied playfully.

JJ gave Reid another quick hug. She was about to say good-bye when she noticed the missing watch.

"Reid, what happened to your watch?" JJ asked, holding his left wrist in her right hand.

"I lost it," Reid replied easily, even as he looked passed JJ at Morgan.

~_Don't you dare say anything to her_,~ he silently willed to his friend. ~_She doesn't need to know about those two guys, or what I was doing out there tonight. Besides its not your place to tell her_.~

Behind JJ's back, Morgan saw and understood completely the look Reid was giving him. He held his hands up in defeat.

"Well, at least your okay," JJ told him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Morgan hesitated a moment. Seeing the hesitation, Reid nodded in the direction JJ had headed. Admitting defeat, Morgan started following his blonde co-worker. As he walked by Reid he placed his hand on the younger man's shoulder.

"Don't you dare be late tomorrow or I'll be looking for you again," Morgan told him.

Reid nodded. He watched as JJ and Morgan stepped onto the elevator. Only after they were gone from sight did Reid take his key out of his pocket and slip it into the lock. He turned it, hearing the click as the door unlocked. Then he slipped into the dark apartment.

Reaching out, Reid flipped the light on. The light that illuminated the room showed exactly what Reid didn't want Morgan to see. Books that should have been on the book shelf were scattered around the room. Chess pieces had fallen in haphazard places, with the wooden board laying on the floor near the wall where gravity had settled it, after he had thrown it at the wall. A blanket lay in a pile on one end of the couch. Though the kitchen of the apartment was still shrouded in darkness, Reid knew what was there - the dirty dishes that had been collecting over the past week.

_~I really need to clean this place up,_~ Reid thought as he dropped the keys on the stand beside the door and shut the front door behind him. He slipped the chain lock in place and turned back to the apartment. Walking over to the chess board, he picked it up. The thick wooden board had survived its treatment without any signs of damage. He picked it up and placed it back on the stand where it usually sat.

The chess set had been given to him by Gideon on his twenty-third birthday. It and the letter that Gideon had left for him were the only things that he had left of the man who had turned into a second father for him.

~_And just like my Dad he left. Left by saying good-bye with a letter. Why couldn't he have at least called to say good-bye? Left a number? No he just walks out leaving only inanimate objects and memories behind for me to remember him by.~_

Reid looked around the apartment. One of the chess pieces had ended up by the couch. Walking over to it, he picked it up. The white king. The coolness of the stone the piece was made out of could be felt in his hand. It matched the coolness of the damp clothes that he was wearing.

He knew what he should do. He should go change into something dry, clean up the mess he had made before leaving, and then go to bed. Reid turned in the apartment. Not far away, the black queen laid, miraculously sitting completely upright on the floor, as if she had put the white king in checkmate.

~_I feel as though I'm facing a checkmate myself, just like when Gideon won at chess. His leaving put my life in check. He's the third person who was important in my life that has left me. First my Dad, for reasons I don't know. Then her disease took away Mom. Now Gideon has just walked away. Whose next?_~

Morgan's words from the plane came back to him, telling him about how much each of the team cared about him. Reid knew his friend was right. That Hotch, JJ, Morgan, Garcia and even Prentiss did care about him in their own way. ~_But what does it matter?_~ Reid thought as he let himself sink to the floor in front of the couch. ~_They'll leave. Its just a matter of time. Everyone leaves its just a question of who was next. Would it be Hotch, who in his own way had been a father figure? A mentor who has helped me cope with the things we have to face on this job. Or what about JJ, who has always looked out for me, much I would imagine a mother would look out for her child. Something I'll never know for sure though, as Mom hasn't been that type of mother for a long time, not because she doesn't want to but because she isn't able to. She loves. I've never doubted that but the times I came home from school having faced some kind of torment from my peers, and not having her there to comfort me are too numerous. I should have been able to know the comfort of a mother's arms at those times._~

Reid looked at the chess piece in his hand. He felt trapped just like a king facing checkmate. In frustration he threw the piece away from him, feeling the exact way he had when he had thrown the books to the ground and the chess board against the wall. He was alone and he didn't want to be. _~What have I ever done to deserve being alone? Do I drive people away somehow?_~

He brought his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. Leaning forward he rested his head on his knees, the tears that were falling adding to the wetness from the rain.

~_It is me. Neither Morgan nor JJ had wanted to leave, but I sent them away_.~

Reid wasn't sure how long he sat there, feeling alone and a terrifying emptiness within himself, but when there was no more tears to cry, Reid sat up. Having no energy to get to his feet, Reid reached out and pulled the blanket off the couch. He wrapped the blanket around himself, and waited for sleep to claim him.


	9. The Discovery

SSA Derek Morgan pulled his car up to the curb in front of Reid's apartment building. As long as his co-worker took the train he almost always did into work, he was here in plenty of time to intercept him when he left the building. Turning the engine off, but leaving the radio on, Morgan settled back in his seat to wait for Reid to leave.

Morgan hadn't told Reid he was coming to pick him up for work, wanting to avoid an argument. The dark-skinned agent was pretty sure his friend would have declined the ride if he had called ahead. After the events of the night before, Morgan knew he would go stir-crazy sitting at the office waiting for Reid to show up.

~_I shouldn't have left him last night. He was clearly still upset when I left. I should've insisted on staying a little longer, just to make sure_,~ Derek told himself, as he watched the front door of the apartment building.

The minutes ticked by. Morgan saw several other occupants leave, but didn't see Reid. It was when he looked at the clock and saw that it was the time that Reid's normal train to work left, that Morgan got his cell phone out. Dialing Reid's number he listened to the phone ring.

~_Come on, Kid, pick up,_~ Morgan silently willed, muttering a soft curse when the voice mail picked up.

Checking for traffic first, Morgan climbed from the vehicle and headed into the building. Once inside, he took the stairs two at a time reaching Reid's floor out of breath but in record time. Hurrying down the hallway, he was soon standing in front of Reid's door.

He knocked once, and waited briefly before trying a second time. "Reid, its Morgan. Open up!" Morgan called out. He waited, hoping to hear the sound of his friend coming to the door. Silence was all that greeted him. "Reid," he called, knocking on the door harder with this third attempt.

As he waited he flipped open his cell phone, calling his friend's phone again. From inside the apartment he heard the faint sound of Reid's cell ringing.

"Reid, open up!" Morgan called, knocking a fourth time as the email picked up again. As he flipped his cell phone closed he debated on whether to go get the superintendent to open the door or to just force the door.

It was a decision he didn't have to make, as the door finally opened.

"Morgan?" Reid said. He seemed surprised to find his friend at his door, as well as not quite awake.

~_He's in the same clothes he had on last night. I should have insisted on staying longer_,~ Morgan thought, even as he felt a wave of relief at the sight of his friend.

"Reid do you realize what time it is?" Morgan asked, not sure what else to say. He took a step toward the door, not waiting to be invited inside the apartment. Reid took a step back, not resisting his friend's intrusion. Morgan noted the defeated look that came across Reid's face.

~_What the hell happened in here?_~ Morgan asked, just barely stopping himself from voicing the question out loud. He took in the books on the floor, the empty chess board on the stand. He then noticed some of the chess pieces scattered on the floor. ~_This isn't like him. Reid's a neat person. Not fussy neat, but he wouldn't leave things look like this normally_.~ His eyes fell on the blanket on the floor in front of the couch.

"Reid, did you get any sleep last night?" Morgan asked, looking toward his friend who had pushed the door closed and was leaning against it.

Reid had his arms wrapped around himself, his right shoulder leaning against the door. Dark areas were visible under puffy eyes. His rumpled clothes matched his mussed hair.

~_He looks like he's about ready to collapse_,~ Morgan thought, as Reid nodded yes in answer to the question.

"Out here?" Morgan asked, gesturing to the blanket. He received another nod.

Reid stood up and took a couple of steps away from the door. "You should probably go so you won't be late."

Morgan couldn't help it, as he laughed at the absurdity of that statement.~_This apartment looks like someone might have burglarized it and he looks like hell, and he thinks he has a chance to get rid of me? Not this time Reid.~_

"If you think I'm leaving this apartment without you, you've got another thing coming, Kid. I shouldn't have left you last night when I did."

"I told you to."

"And I knew you weren't thinking straight. Did you do this after you came back?" Morgan asked, gesturing to the mess.

Reid shook his head, and Morgan understood why Reid had been so insistent that he leave.

"Maybe you should take . . ."

"No! I need to work. Its about the only time I can put things out of my mind," Reid said, panic filling his voice.

"Okay," Morgan said, conceding this particular battle. "Go take a shower and change. I'll call Hotch and tell him that we're going to be late.

Reid nodded, his turn to concede something.

~_I don't think the kid has the energy to protest even if he wanted to_,~ Morgan thought, as he watched Reid disappear into the bedroom. Sitting down on the couch, Morgan placed the call to Hotch. As much of a workaholic that his boss was, he knew the unit chief would already be at the office.

"Hotchner," his boss answered on the second ring.

"Hey Hotch, it's Morgan. Reid and I are running a bit behind this morning."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Morgan could here the faint sound of a door being shut. "Is he okay?" Hotch asked.

Morgan looked over his shoulder at the closed bedroom door. "No, he's not. This place is a mess and I don't think he got much sleep. I tried suggesting he take a day off but he's refusing. I think he wants something to keep his mind busy."

"Well don't rush him this morning. You guys get here when you can. I got a call from Fielding early this morning. His team is in Houston still on that case. He's asking us to take a look at what they've gathered and give him our take on things on the hope that some fresh eyes might provide them with a break. JJ, Prentiss and I can get started without you if we need to."

"Hotch, I feel like I'm walking a fine line here. What if I mess this up?"

"You won't," Hotch told him. "I've got to go, if you need to we'll talk tonight."

"Okay. I 'll see you when I get there," Morgan said, assuming that someone had knocked on Hotch's door.

Ending the call, Morgan looked around the room. He picked up the chess pieces that were visible, placing them randomly on the board. He then started picking up the books and putting them back on the shelf. He wasn't sure how Reid organized them, so he didn't even try to put them in any order. He was placing the last book on the shelf when he heard the shower turn off.

Morgan walked back toward the couch. He picked the blanket up off the floor and folded in, then tossed it on the one cushion of the couch.

~_I shouldn't have left him last night. I should've insisted on coming in_,~ Morgan thought again.

~_I'm walking a real thin line here. Reid is on the edge and I don't know what it might take for him take that final step off, but I know I need to stand in between of him and whatever that might be. And whether he likes it or not, he's going to find he is stuck with me being around today_.~

* * *

Two hours later, Morgan and Reid walked onto the sixth floor of the building housing the BAU. No one bothered to look up as they walked across the floor. A quick glance at Hotch's office told them he wasn't there. The blinds to the conference room were pulled, and both agents knew the rest of their team was probably already in the room.

They headed for the conference room, but before they had reached it the door opened and JJ stepped out of the room. Seeing the two of them she smiled a small, sad smile. Without a word, she closed the distance between her and Reid and gave him a quick hug. Though she didn't care who saw, she knew they young genius would be self-conscious with the gesture in a fairly public area.

Stepping back, JJ reached into the pocket. "Spence, I want you to have this," she said placing the object she had removed from her pocket into his hand. As Reid looked down, he saw that he was holding a watch. "It was my father's."

"JJ, I can't take this."

"Sure you can. I had it packed away in the back of my dresser drawer. It's about time somebody got some use out of it again," JJ told him.

"But it's got to be special to you."

JJ nodded. "It is but so are you, Spence. If you ask me two special things belong together," she told him.

Reid nodded as he looked down at the watch in his hand. He swallowed hard, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall. Both Morgan and JJ noticed it. Morgan took a step forward, turning sideways in an attempt to block Reid from most of the room's view.

"Just do me favor, Spence. Try not to lose it," JJ said in a light, airy voice trying to break the tension. She punched him playfully on the shoulder.

"I won't," Reid told her, finally finding his voice. He looked up at JJ then, his eyes glistening with the tears he was fighting to hold back. "If you ever want this back, for any reason . . ."

"I know, Spence. That's why I don't mind giving it to you and I hope it'll be a reminder that whenever you need a friend, you've got one and don't ever feel guilty for needing someone to lean on. I know you'd do the same for me."

Reid nodded, as Morgan caught JJ's attention. ~Nice going,~ he told her silently. JJ smiled and gave him a slight nod.

"I've got to check for some more faxes from the Houston office," JJ told them. "Hotch and Prentiss are in the conference room. They'll bring you up to speed."

"Right," Morgan replied as JJ stepped around the two of them and headed for her office.

Morgan and Reid continued on to the conference room. Morgan was thankful that their work today appeared as if it was going to let them stay at the office.


	10. The Dream

Derek Morgan wasn't sure what had awakened him at first. His confusion was compounded when he realized he was sleeping in the armchair in his living, feet propped up on the coffee table. It took a moment for him to remember why he was there.

After work, Garcia and Morgan had double teamed Reid and got him to go out to dinner with them. Most of the conversation had been between Garcia and Morgan. Though both had tried to get Reid involved in the conversation, the young genius just didn't seem to be in a talkative mood. After they had said good-bye to Garcia, Reid hadn't seemed to interested in heading home, and Morgan wasn't quite ready to let his friend out of his sight. They had ended up at Morgan's place and after surfing through channels for awhile, they had finally managed to find a movie they could both agree on. By the time the movie had ended, Reid had fallen asleep on the couch. Morgan had left him there, retrieving a blanket to cover him with. He had then settled himself in the chair, not wanting to risk Reid leaving without him knowing in the middle of the night.

The lamp on the end table next to the couch was still on, at the lowest setting, casting a dim glow over the room. It was enough light to allow Morgan to see Reid still asleep though he was moving his head side to side. Even in his sleep, Reid was muttering something, though Morgan couldn't make it out from where he was at.

Morgan heard slight whimpering and recognized it as the sound that had woken him up. Curled up at one end of the couch, his head resting on Reid's calf, Clooney rested. The dog's eyes were open, and as he looked at his owner, Clooney let out another whimper.

Moving his feet off the coffee table, Morgan sat up on the edge of the chair. He was unsure as to whether to wake his friend or not. Though he was restless, Reid didn't appear to be in distress. His breathing was still slow and even.

Deciding to leave him sleep for now, Morgan leaned back in the chair. He propped his feet back up on the coffee table but didn't bother to close his eyes. He wasn't about to go back to sleep until he knew for sure that Reid was sleeping peacefully once more.

Morgan thought that might actually happen. First Reid stopped muttering whatever it was he was saying in his sleep. Next the turning of the head slowed down. At Reid's feet, Clooney had already fallen asleep. Morgan was about to follow suit when Reid suddenly gasped and bolted upright. Disturbed by the action, Clooney jumped to the floor and moved toward the chair Morgan was in. As Morgan sat up again, the dog laid down on the floor, resting his head on outstretched front paws, his eyes watching the humans.

"Reid," Morgan said, getting to his feet and moving to sit next to Reid on the couch.

"What time is it?" Reid asked, running his fingers through his already messed up hair.

Morgan looked at his watch, moving it slightly toward the lamp to read it. "Almost midnight," he replied.

"I must have fallen asleep during the movie. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You needed the sleep, Reid."

"So do you," Reid commented, his eyes falling on the second blanket that was partly over the chair of the arm, and partially on the floor. Reid started to get to his feet. "I'll head home so . . ."

"You're not going anywhere, Kid," Morgan said, grabbing Reid's wrist. Reid sat back on the couch with no resistance. "Want to talk about what just woke you up?"

"Not really," Reid replied, pulling his wrist out of Morgan's grasp. He clasped his hands together and let them hang between his knees, elbows resting on the top of his legs.

Morgan reached out to lay a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder, but when Reid flinched at the touch, he let his hand fall.

"Reid, don't bottle it up inside. It's just going to make it worse."

Reid gave a harsh laugh. "Now that's ironic coming from you."

The words surprised Morgan. In his own way, Reid was like Garcia. He wanted to see the good in people and seldom had a harsh word for anyone. ~_Well, at least until recently_,~ Morgan thought, thinking about what Prentiss had told him about Reid lashing out at her verbally. ~_No matter what he says though, I can't take it personally. He isn't thinking straight right now, though he is right. I'm a great one to talk about not letting things get bottled up inside. Even when they were trying to help me I didn't want to let the team in back in Chicago._~

"How do you think I know keeping things inside will only make things worse. I know from personal experience."

Reid didn't reply. He just sat there looking down at the floor.

"Was the dream about Hankle?" Morgan ventured deciding to press a little bit. ~_Let this be the right thing to do. I know he's near the edge, but I don't want to be what pushes him over it.~ "_Iswhat happened in Georgia haunting your dreams?"

"You should have let me die then."

The words were so soft that Morgan just barely heard them. His heart stopped momentarily and he wanted desperately to believe that he had heard them wrong. "What?" he asked even as Reid got to his feet.

Morgan wasn't able to grabbed his hand in time this time and Reid was at the door before Morgan had reacted. The older man quickly crossed the distance to the door, as Reid slid the chain lock out of place. He was starting to open the door by the time Morgan was standing next to him. Reaching past his friend, Morgan placed his hand against the door and pushed it shut again.

"Reid, I can't let you leave after you just said something like that."

"Just leave me alone. If you were my friend you would have tried helping me a long time ago."

"I didn't realize how much you were hurting," Morgan replied, holding the door shut as Reid continued to try to open it. "I made a mistake, Kid, and I'm sorry."

Suddenly, Reid let go of the door knob. The sudden lack of resistance, threw Morgan off balance and he didn't see anything coming until Reid's elbow landed squarely on his rib cage. The contact made him gasp for breath as Reid slipped away from him. Recovering a bit, Morgan looked around the room, ignoring the pain from the contact.

Reid had moved to the side of the room, and had his back against the wall. Morgan could see the panic in his eyes as Reid watched him. ~_At least there are no windows over there_,~ Morgan thought as he took a couple of steps slowly toward Reid.

"Reid, just calm down. Tell me what's going on. We can work through it together."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean . . . don't hurt me," Reid said, his words a disparate plea.

Morgan stood still. "I'm not going to hurt you, Kid," he replied calmly. ~_I need to calm him down before I approach him_.~ "Reid, just talk to me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Everything is a jumble. I don't know what is real and what isn't anymore," Reid replied, shaking his head. The gesture finally stopped and Reid looked at Morgan with terror in his eyes. When he spoke the terror was evident there to. "Do you think this is how my Mom feels when she's not on her medication?"

"I don't know, Kid," Morgan said. Memories of an incident that occurred during his first year on the Chicago police force came back to him. It was the first time he had ever tried to talk a jumper down off of a ledge. That wasn't the only time he had faced that situation but that was the time that had stuck. ~_Please don't let this situation have the same outcome_,~ Morgan pleaded. "I have no clue what she's going through and neither do you. This isn't the same thing. I know your scared but you're not alone."

"I should be."

"Why do you say that?" Morgan asked, hoping to get Reid talking. He started advancing slowly toward Reid.

"I gave up on her. I sent her away. What kind of son am I?"

"A son who cares enough to get his mother the help she needed."

"I sent her away. I couldn't deal with it so I sent her away. Gave up on her. No wonder everyone else gives up on me."

"Reid, your mother needed help you couldn't give her. You didn't give up on her. You helped her. Giving up on her would have been putting her away and forgetting about her. You haven't done that. You stay in touch. You go to see her. You didn't give up on her and no one is giving up on you."

"Gideon did."

Morgan was within arm reach of Reid now. Slowly he reached out to him. Reid reacted instantly, striking out at him. Morgan took a step back, holding his hands up in defeat. "Gideon didn't leave because of you, Reid."

"I was in laying in that grave Hankle made me dig," Reid said.

~_What is he talking about?_~ Morgan asked silently, confused by the sudden change in topic. ~_His dream. He's talking about what woke him up._~

"Laying there and then he started shoveling the dirt back in. Hankle's standing above me. I can see his lips moving but I can't hear the words. I close my eyes as another shovelful of dirt falls into the grave and then there's nothing. I look up to see Hankle still there but he no longer has the shovel he has the gun. He's pointing it at me and then it isn't Hankle but Hotch. Hotch pulls the trigger but there's no bullet. Next JJ is there with the same results. Then Prentiss, Garcia and then you. Finally, Gideon's standing there, above me. I hear the words - "For God's Will."

"It's only a dream, Reid," Morgan told him.

"I wish I had died there. I should've died instead of betraying anyone."

_~Betrayed? What is he talking about?_~ Morgan thought. He remembered Reid's words about everything being a jumble. About not knowing what was real anymore. ~_I need to help him sort that out and to do that I need to understand how he's thinking_.~

"Who do you feel you betrayed Reid?"

"The victims he killed in front of me. Hotch."

"That wasn't your fault."

"I chose them to save myself. How isn't that my fault?"

"It wasn't your fault because you were being held captive. You wanted to live. Anyone in your place would have done the same thing. The only one responsible for those deaths were Hankle."

"I should have let him kill me."

"It wouldn't have saved them," Morgan said, trying to reach out him once more. Again Reid made contact with his arm but Morgan didn't back away this time. "He was killing before he captured you and he would have continued to kill until he was stopped."

Reid looked up at Morgan. Gazing back Morgan saw a whole swirl of emotions there. ~_Kid I'm sorry. It shouldn't have gotten this far. I should've realized something was wrong. Should've help you deal with this right after it happened_.~

"I wanted to. I wasn't strong enough."

"Reid, you hung on through two days of torture. You gave us the clues that let us find you. You're strong . . ."

"I'm falling apart . . ."

"Even the strongest people need help. I may still be working on accepting that help but even I've come to realize that. You and the rest of the team helped me realize that. When I need you all and I tried pushing you guys away, you all held your ground. Didn't give up on me. I'm not giving up on you."

"You should," Reid told him. "Let me go, Morgan. I'm not worth it."

With a burst of energy Morgan wouldn't have thought Reid still had in him, the distraught young man made a bolt for the door. Morgan made a grab for him as he went by and was able to get an arm around Reid's waist, bringing him to a stop. As Reid struggled to break the hold Morgan had on him, Morgan wrapped his right arm around Reid at chest level, pinning Reid's right arm against him. Morgan grabbed a hold of Reid's left arm and then pulled his friend toward him. As Reid continued to struggle, Morgan kept him pinned against him, afraid of what the young man might do if he left there.

"You are worth it, Reid," Morgan told him. "Whatever I've got to do to make you realize that, I'll do it."

Reid didn't say anything even though he kept struggling to break away from Morgan. Morgan did the only thing he could think to do at that point, he started talking about all their successes over the years. The cases that Reid had helped them solve. The people he had helped to save. How he had saved Elle Greenaway and the others she had been held hostage on the train with. The clues that the kid had put together to save Rebecca. The list was extensive, and as Morgan kept talking he could feel Reid's resistance waning.

Suddenly, he felt Reid go limp in his arms. Instead of trying to hold him up, Morgan eased them both to the ground. Looking down at his friend, Morgan was relieved to see Reid's eyes opened.

"Reid, are you okay? Talk to me, Kid," Morgan told him, kneeling on the ground, Reid leaning against him

"I just want to forget," Reid replied.

"Wish I could say you will eventually, but you won't," Morgan told him, images of Carl Buford rising in his own mind. "It'll get easier, but you won't ever forget. The trick is not to let it control you. You're strong, Let what you went through make you stonger."

Reid made no response and as he made no attempt to move, Morgan kept his arms around him, and held him close.

_~Everyone needs to be held sometimes, Baby. It doesn't mean your weak, it just means your human. And that you're loved.~ _Despite the situation, Morgan found himself smiling as he recalled those words of his mother's. She had said them to him on numerous occasions, as she held him after something bad had happened in his life. The last time he had heard them was the night he had come home from worker after trying to talk down that first jumper. He remembered how safe he had felt with his mother's arms around him.

Morgan looked down at Reid. The kid was simply staring straight ahead. No tears but he looked completely exhausted. The limp weight told Morgan the same thing. Trying not to disturb him, Morgan shifted his position so that instead of kneeling he was sitting on the floor, his back to the couch.

Morgan wasn't sure how long they had been there, when he heard his cell phone ring. The phone was on the coffee table and Morgan made no move to go and retrieve it. Looking down, he saw that Reid's eyes had closed.

Soon after the phone stopped riging, he heard the alert of a message being left. Minutes later, Reid's phone was ringing. Morgan felt Reid stir, and loosened his grip as the kid sat up. Reid reached into his pocket and took out his cell phone but instead of answering it, handed it to Morgan. Reid then drew his knees up toward his chest, crossing his arms across his knees and letting his head rest on his arms.

Morgan glanced at the screen and saw Hotch's number.

"It's Morgan. Go ahead, Hotch," Morgan said already knowing what a call from the unit chief at this time of night meant.

"Morgan? Did I mix up numbers?" Hotch asked.

"No. Reid's here with me," Morgan said, watching the still form of his friend. "We have a case, I take it."

"Yeah. Fairfield, Nebraska. Local fire house was bombed yesterday evening followed by the police station two hours ago. Given the targets of the attacks and the fact that they occurred within hours of each other, state police are requesting assistance. Is Reid going to be up for it?"

"I can still do my job," Reid said as if he had heard Hotch's question.

"He says he is," Morgan said, getting to his feet. He took a few steps away and lowered his voice. "Keeping things as normal as possible for him is probably the smart thing to do. I want to stay with him while we're out there."

"Understood. We're meeting at the airport ASAP. We'll brief on the plane."

"Got it." Morgan said, ending the call.

He turned and knelt down next to Reid. "You sure you're up for this."

"The team needs me right?"

"You bet we do, Kid. We also don't want you pushing yourself to far."

"It'll be worse if I stay behind."

Morgan nodded, knowing the truth of those words. There was no way he could head for Nebraska and leave Reid here in D.C. With no replacement for Gideon that meant they would be three members short on this case. Even if Reid wasn't completely on top of his game, they could use his insight on the case.

"Let's go then," Morgan replied, helping Reid to his feet.


	11. The Suggestion

The members of the BAU, minus JJ, were gathered in a room in the Fairfield rec center. Given the damage to the local police station, this was the best that Fairfield could offer them. Even what was left of the Fairfield police force was currently working out of the rec center. The third day of this case was drawing to a close, and they were no closer to solving the case.

"This doesn't make sense. He hits the fire company and then the police station and then nothing. He's completely disappeared. Nobody has claimed responsibility. Nothing else has been targeted. Nobody wakes up one day, decides to bomb a fire station and police station, decide he had enough fun and quits," Morgan commented.

"Nobody bombs two important places to a town like a fire station and police station without a reason," Prentiss added.

"There's a reason for this, we just haven't found it yet," Hotch said, looking around at his team. Morgan and Prentiss were sitting across from each other at the same table he was sitting at. Reid was standing, his gaze locked on the evidence board. " I know we've gone over this again but let's trying thinking through this again. What would the UnSub gain by bombing the fire station and police station?"

Both Morgan and Prentiss brought up reasons. Reasons that they had considered before but revisited hoping they would come across something that they had overlooked before. It was all review though and got them nowhere.

"What if these two targets were only meant as a distraction," Reid commented, turning from the board.

As he did the door to the room opened and JJ rejoined them. Their eyes met momentarily before JJ quickly looked away. It was long enough for Reid to see the hurt and sadness in JJ's eyes. ~_I need to apologize_,~ Reid thought, thinking of what had happened earlier that day.

The two of them had been alone in the room, as Hotch and Prentiss were out revisited the crime scenes and Morgan had gone on a coffee run. It had been the first time Morgan had let him out of his sight for more than ten minutes since they had come out to Nebraska. JJ had taken the opportunity to inquire how Reid was doing. Reid had managed to answer her questions without going into too much detail. He had no desire to recount his nightmare again, especially not to JJ, knowing it would only upset her. Reid didn't want her blaming herself again. What had happened wasn't her fault.

JJ had made a suggestion that it might be helpful for Reid to go talk to a therapist. It was that suggestion that had set him off. Talking about this stuff was hard enough with Gideon, Hotch, Morgan and even her. People he knew and trusted.

"_**I'm not going to a therapist!"**_

"_**It may help, Spence. I'm worried about you the whole team is and I don't know about the others but there are times I don't know how to help you. Don't know if I'm doing more harm then good."**_

"_**So you want to just pass me off to someone else. Wash your hands of the problem."**_

"_**Spence, that isn't it!" JJ said, reaching out for his hand. **_

_**Reid had drawn his hand away, while getting to his feet. "If I'm too much trouble for you, then just forget about me," he told her slipping the watch she had given her off. He placed the watch on the table in front of her. "I don't need you. I don't need anyone."**_

~_But that wasn't true. He did need her. Needed the team. Wasn't that why I'm out here in the first place instead of at home taking some time off. Time off that I'm pretty sure they all think I need.~_

~_I know she was only making the suggestion because she cares about me but I won't go to a therapist. I can't. I can't explain to a stranger things this personal. It wasn't fair to JJ for me to go off on her like that. I keep lashing out at my friends. Why? I don't understand why I keep doing that_,~ Reid thought, thinking of the night in Morgan's apartment and what had transpired. ~_I don't know why he's even still standing by me.~_

"A distraction for what? If they were a distraction wouldn't they have made their move close to the incidents?" Prentiss asked.

Reid looked away from JJ who was looking anywhere but in his direction and toward Prentiss as he addressed her questions.

"Attacking the fire and police departments hinders the response time in an emergency. What if that was the only intent of the two attacks and the UnSub has his primary targets still in sight. While the fire department is still not able to respond, State Police are keeping an increase presence within the town following the attacks."

"Which is countering the effects of the attack on the police station," Hotch said, picking up on where Reid was going. "He hasn't made his next move because he feels that its not safe."

Reid nodded as JJ spoke up.

"Well then the UnSub might get what he wants. Sheriff Phillips has just informed me that State Police are pulling their extra men in the area tomorrow morning at nine a.m.."

Hotch rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to decide what to do. Finally he looked up at his team. "Let's call it a night. We've been working long hours with little to show for it. I think we all need sleep more than anything else. We'll meet here at eight o'clock tomorrow morning."

The members of the BAU all started gathering their things and heading out of the room. It was just about five in the evening and they were all looking forward to a chance to eat a non-hurried meal, and a long shower before retiring. As Morgan headed for the door, he glanced back at Reid, silently asking him if he was coming.

Reid nodded his head in Hotch's direction, who was still seated at the table. Morgan nodded in understanding and mouthed the words - "I'll wait for you outside." Morgan then slipped out of the room, letting the door closed behind him.

Alone now with the unit chief, Reid took a deep breath.

~_Why am I so nervous?_~ he asked himself. ~_It's just Hotch. He's never showed disinterest in taking the time to talk to any of us. To do anything he can to help us. Why would this time be any different.~_

"What's with you and Reid? Did the two of you have a fight?" Prentiss asked JJ as the two agents walked the short distance between the rec center and the Days Inn they were staying at.

~_So the tension between us is noticeable. And if Prentiss noticed, I know Hotch did,_~ JJ thought.

"Not a fight really. More a misunderstanding," JJ replied.

"Did he go off on you for something minor that he blew out of proportion?" Emily asked.

"Spence has been under a lot of stress lately," JJ said, instantly defensive despite what had happened. Despite still feeling hurt by the words Spencer had said to her and his action of giving her back the watch. She recalled Morgan's words to her earlier that afternoon right after it had happened as he had returned as Spencer was leaving.

~"_I know what he said and did hurt you JJ but please don't hold it against him. Reid needs us right now whether he realizes it or not. He's got it in his head that everyone leaves him and part of him is trying to make that true by pushing people away. We can't let him do that. We need to show him that we're there for him no matter what he does._"~

JJ had the feeling there was more to it than that. That Morgan knew something he wasn't saying. ~_And I've got a pretty good idea what that something is. I think the whole team does. I'd rather not know for sure though. I just want the old Reid back but I don't think I'll ever get that._~

"We can't judge him to harshly, Emily and I can't blame him entirely for what happened."

"I'm not trying to judge him, JJ but I've been on the receiving end of those outbursts a couple of times. I know how much it can hurt," Emily told her, putting her arm around JJ's shoulders.

"I shouldn't have made the suggestion that I did."

"What suggestion?"

"That he see a therapist," JJ said. Beside her she heard Emily's quiet "ahha". "I knew it wouldn't go over well but . . ." JJ paused, getting up the courage to say the next words. "I don't want to lose him Emily and there are times I think we will."

"We won't," Emily assured her, giving her friend's shoulders a slight squeeze. "We're not going to let that happen despite the hurt feelings that are going to arise. We've just got to be stronger than that and remember that Reid is our friend and he's worth anything we have to go through in order to help him."

JJ nodded.

~_I'm glad she understands. She doesn't know Reid as well as the rest of us. Didn't get to spend a lot of time with him before he went through that ordeal with Hankle_,~ JJ thought. In that moment she realized just how special the bond this team had was.

Reid was in with Hotch for about ten minutes. As Morgan waited for Reid outside the rec center, he watched as people walked past, going about there business. A couple of police officers walked in and out of the rec building, the grief heavy on their faces.

~_They lost a third of their force in that attack. For a small town like this that isn't easy to recover from. We've got to find this guy_.~

Morgan spotted Reid walk out of the rec center and moved away from the tree he had been leaning against. Without a word the two agents started toward the Days Inn side by side. Unlike Emily and JJ, the two didn't speak.

~_I don't know if I should breach the topic of what happened with JJ or not. It really should be between the two of them but I hate to see JJ hurting like she is.~_

"Do you think JJ will speak to me again?" Reid asked as they approached the front entrance of the Days Inn.

"What?" Morgan asked, the question taking him by surprise, especially as it had mirrored his own thoughts.

"I know she would have told you what happened while you were gone. I need to apologize but I don't know if she'll speak to me. She wouldn't even look at me back at the rec center."

"She's hurt by what you said and did, Reid."

"I know. She probably hates me. I hate me."

"She doesn't hate you Reid. If that were the case, she wouldn't have been hurt by what happened. She made the suggestion about the therapist because she cares about you. JJ would do anything for you, even after this afternoon. We all would," Morgan said as they reached the steps and headed up to their rooms on the second floor.

"Do you think she's right? Do you think I need to see a therapist?"

"Talking to a therapist can help people sort a lot of things out but I know you, Kid. I know how hard it would be for you to talk about what your feeling with someone you don't know."

~_Just as hard as it would be for me, if not harder. That's why I haven't made the suggestion though I'm glad someone finally did. No matter the outcome it was something that needed to be spoken._~

"It's more than that," Reid stated, having reached the top step. He stopped and leaned his arms on the railing, gazing down at the lobby below. He waited until Morgan was beside him to continue. "I'm scared. I'm scared that if I talk to a therapist they might find that it isn't just dealing with what I went through in Georgia that's the problem. I'm afraid to be told I have schizophrenia like my Mom."

"You're nothing like your mom, Kid."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. Just because you don't think about or look at things the way everyone else does, that doesn't mean there is something wrong. Your intelligence and eidetic memory are extraordinary gifts and its only natural that you're going to see things in way us normal people can't. That doesn't mean your sick. You're mother can't function without her meds. You do and not only in normal situations but even now. With all your dealing with you're still able to do your job. You just proved that back there."

"Do you think I should see a therapist?"

"Kid, only you can answer that," Morgan told him, hearing Reid sigh next to him. "What I do know is that you do need to talk about what you're going through with someone. Now, who that person is, that's your choice. Like I told you the other night though, don't let it get bottled up inside. Don't let it eat away at you."

"Morgan, I need you to do something for me."

Morgan didn't hesitate with his answer. "Anything, Kid."


	12. The Meeting

**AN: This is the last chapter. I hope you've all enjoyed the journey with me and hope you like the ending. I'm kind of glad I forgot to mark the story as complete after the first chapter :)**

* * *

Derek Morgan was pacing the lobby of the Days Inn. There were a few other people gathered in the area besides himself. The federal agent was aware of the stares he was receiving but ignored them, not being the slightest bit self-concious.

~_Where is he?_~ Morgan thought, glancing at his watch once again. The watch read six forty. ~_He's ten minutes late. Maybe he changed his mind?_~ Morgan thought, clinging to that reason, as the others that crossed his mind weren't ones that he cared to dwell on.

Morgan stopped his pacing and gazed toward the second floor balcony. There was no sign of Reid. Having had enough of the waiting, the Chicago native started toward the stairs, deciding it was time to go looking for the other agent. As he was reaching the base of the steps, he saw Reid hurrying toward them the floor above him.

"Sorry," Reid called when he saw Morgan at the bottom of the steps.

"Reid, just slow down. I don't want this outing to turn into a trip to the hospital," Morgan replied.

The young genius didn't reply to Morgan's comment but did slow to a normal pace as he came down the steps.

"You've got the address?" Morgan asked.

In reply, Reid tapped the side of his head lightly.

"Fine, that was a stupid question," Morgan said. ~_Must be nice not to have to write stuff down so you don't forget it._~ "Let's go."

The two colleagues started toward the door. As they did so, Hotch and Emily came off of the elevators. The hotel had been unable to put all five of the team's rooms together and as a result Hotch and Emily both had rooms on the fourth floor while the rest of the team's rooms were spread out on the second.

The four co-workers exchanged greetings.

"Hotch and I were just going to go grab something to eat. Why don't the two of you join us?" Emily asked.

Morgan looked instantly at Reid. ~_What do we tell her. I know Reid doesn't want the whole team to know about this_.~ Looking at his friend, Morgan could tell Reid didn't quite know how to go about declining the invitation

"Morgan and Reid are actually leaving to do something for me. Something came up in the case that might possibly be a lead and I asked the two of them to check it out," Hotch explained, speaking up.

Emily looked at Hotch surprised that he had answered. She could tell he was covering but she had no clue what he was covering. She changed her gaze from Hotch to Reid who looked relieved and finally looked at Morgan.

"So much for our evening off," Morgan said smoothly with a shrug of his shoulders, instantly playing along with Hotch's deception. A little too smoothly for Emily's taste but before she had a chance to question it Morgan continued. "We better get going. I'll keep you updated, Hotch," Morgan said, to which Hotch nodded. "Enjoy your dinner Emily," he said, and reaching out grabbed, Reid's arm and pulled the younger agent toward the exit with him.

"She wasn't buying it," Reid commented once they were out of the building and heading for one of the black SUV's the team were driving around Fairfield.

"I know that, why do you think I didn't give her a chance to question us further," Morgan replied taking the key to the vehicle out of his pocket. Pointing it toward the vehicle, with a beep he unlocked the doors.

"What if she doesn't let it go?" Reid asked, looking across the hood of the vehicle now, at Morgan.

"Hotch can handle Emily," Morgan told him, opening the car door and climbing in behind the wheel.

Reid didn't comment as he climbed into the passenger seat and programmed the address they were going to into the vehicles GPS. Moments later, the two agents were on there way, the computerized voice of the GPS giving them directions.

As he drove toward the town of Abbington, Morgan stole a glance at his traveling companion. Reid had his head resting against the head rest of the seat, face turned toward the window. His arms were folded across himself. On his left wrist, Morgan noticed he was again wearing the watch that JJ had given him.

"I see you talked to JJ," Morgan commented, breaking the silence.

Reid jumped slightly at the comment. Morgan wasn't sure if it was the sound of his voice or the comment he had made that startled his friend.

"What makes you say that?" Reid asked looking at Morgan.

"The watch," Morgan said. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Reid glance down at the object.

"I told you I needed to apologize," Reid commented.

Morgan pondered what, if anything, he should say next. ~_This really is between Reid and JJ but I want him to know I'm here if he wants to talk. I don't want him to think I'm taking sides on this.~_

"Morgan, what's wrong with me?" Reid asked before Morgan could make a decision.

~_You're a drug addict_,~ was the reply that immediately jumped into Morgan's mind. He didn't say it however, knowing that it wasn't what Reid was meaning with the question. He had already admitted to that.

"What do you mean?"

"Why do I keep lashing out at people who are trying to help me? Prentiss, JJ and even you. I don't know why you guys even put up with me."

"Because we care about you, Reid, and we know you aren't thinking straight right now."

"That's no excuse for my behavior. No reason for me to be saying and doing the things I'm doing. I apologized to her and I still feel bad about lashing out at JJ this afternoon. She says she forgives me but that doesn't make it right."

"Well, at least you realize that much. Reid, I've seen this before. I've seen situations like this tear families apart and destroy friendships. I'm not letting that happen here. I refuse to because if I do, then I'm giving up on the bond we have and that means way to much to me. No matter what you do, your not getting rid of me."

Morgan's words were met with silence. Glancing quickly to his right, Morgan saw that Reid was looking out the window.

~_What are you thinking, Kid_?~ Morgan wondered, worried a bit by the silence. ~_I can only hope I'm saying the right things and that what I am saying is getting through to him_.~

The rest of the drive to the Y in Abbington was made in silence. Pulling into the parking lot, Morgan found a parking space and pulled the SUV into it. He took the key out of the ignition and got out of the vehicle. About to shut the door, he noticed Reid hadn't moved.

"This was your idea, Kid. If you don't want to go through with, then wait until we get back home," Morgan told him.

Reid took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I need to do this. I've just been feeling so messed up lately. I need time with people who know. I know you're trying to understand, Morgan, and talking to you helps but . . ."

"I understand."

Morgan stood there, waiting for Reid. It wasn't long before the younger man was climbing from the SUV. Together the two of them headed toward the parking lot. Other people, some still in business attire, some in jeans and t-shirts, came into the rec center, all seemingly knowing where they were going. Once inside, Reid found out where the meeting he wanted to go to was being held.

"You'll be here when its over?" Reid asked, looking toward Morgan.

"I promise," Morgan told him, knowing Reid needed that reinsurance. "Besides, what do you think Hotch would do to me if I left you stranded here," Morgan said, trying to lighten the mood a little.

The comment got a small smile out of Reid, who then turned and headed for the room the NA meeting was being held. Morgan watched him walk down the hallway. Right before he entered the room, Reid glanced back in his direction. Morgan gave his friend a nod of encouragement and then walked into the room.

~_I hope this helps. I hate seeing him suffer like this. More than anything right now, he needs some peace of mine.~_

_~"I'm entrusting him to you and I know things are going to be okay even with me gone."_~

Gideon's words from the phone message echoed in Morgan's mind. Like he had told Hotch, the team was doing okay without Gideon. Morgan could never forget what the man had taught him and done for him, but the world didn't revolve around one person. The team didn't revolve around one person.

~_We'll keep going. Gideon gave up on us, we didn't give up on him. The team will be okay. Reid is going to be okay, because I'll do everything in my power to ensure that. Not because you entrusted him to me Gideon, but because he's my 'brother' and no matter what I'm not going to walk away from him. I'm stronger than that and right now he needs someone to be strong for him_.~

Morgan walked down the hallway, stopping outside the door of the room Reid had entered. Positioning himself across from the door, Morgan sat down on the floor, back to the wall, to wait.

~_I'll be here, Kid. I'll be here when you walk out of this meeting and everyday you need me from here on out_.~


End file.
